Maybe I'll blog today. It'll be a retrospective post about contentment. I'll reflect on the dour state I was in when I began blogging and how I have found peace and acceptance for my life. Very self-indulgent, but hey, it's my blog! Ahhh, ran out of time. Maybe tomorrow?
Sexy Guy comes home with news. Apparently they've just lifted the "7-Year Max" restriction for military to be stationed in England. After all of the agony making the decision to return to the states rather than take any other over-seas base (since staying here was NOT an option). My poor brain can NOT focus on anything!
Sexy Guy still has the paperwork that's supposed to be turned in because we are now wracked with indecision.
- My mother is not in good health, we should go back to the states.
- Oldest son and wife could possibly have a baby within the next three years and I need to be close to them!
- Oldest son is not well and may have to accept a Medical Discharge from the Air Force-we could end up in Idaho while he goes back to Arizona.
- Four other kids leave the only friends and schools they've known.
- Older of the four boys will have an opportunity to salvage some American schooling if we return now-he'll have two years of High School. AAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!
- Cost of Visas and car tax if we stay!
- Everything we will miss if we leave.
We have dinner guests coming at 5pm. I wake up with a chesty cold and am a miserable sod. I have a good shout at a child or two who are pushing all of my wrong buttons. I get the two youngest to the school and realize it's "move up" day.
THE day they look forward to.
THE day where everyone moves up into the class they will have next year.
Remorse hits for the terrible start and I hug them, tell them I love them and to enjoy their day. Luckily, kids are extremely forgiving and they leave me with smiles.
An hour later the phone rings, "Your daughter pinched her hand in a basketball goal and is ok but will have a nasty blood blister when she gets home".
Of course it's my fault! Don't you know that I know that already? I sent her off to school distracted! Never mind that it was her excessive distraction that had caused the Mum meltdown in the first place.
I begin cooking the dinner and cleaning the house. My kitchen looks like a bomb went off in the produce section of a grocery store. I also have not tidied up along the way as it's pointless with this meal really...and there's a rap at the door.
It's a timid rap, so I'm not even sure I heard it.
There's a tiny, well-dressed woman there. She introduces herself as a member of our Estate Agency.
My Mind: "Oh no you don't, you will NOT conduct our August inspection right now, no warning, when my kitchen is turned upside down!" The sound of three different kinds of expensive meats sizzling on the stove top pull me from the panicked conversation in my own mind.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," she says...
...and everything goes fuzzy from there.
Something about, "Landlord's personal circumstances have changed" and "...need to vacate the property by September".
I remember numbly mumbling something about "...having just passed our 1-year-left mark" and "...the bad timing of trying to find a new place", and hearing her say, "Oh sh**".
Beautifully put, bless her.
Visions of first and last months rent, deposits and agent fees dance in my head.
Contentment is not all it's cracked up to be. Peace and joy and butterflies are fleeting and may just be the precursor from impending life implosions.
Maybe I'm being dramatic, but it's my blog, I can do that here.
In real life, I'm packing. And looking for a house that will accept a 10-month lease while still falling into our school catchment so the kids don't have to changes schools their last year here.
Who hoot! Yahoo!
“Certain things, they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.”
JD Salinger--The Catcher in the Rye
On the bright side (yes, there is one), there is ONE house within 5 miles of our village. It's a farmhouse with the right amount of space and rooms. It's out in the country again which means more driving to get kids where they need to be, but the nearest farmhouse to it is Son # 3's best friend.
We booked a viewing (for tonight). All Thursday evening I was tempted to text the BF's mum to say, "What do you know about that house????", but I didn't. When we drove out to confirm where it was, we saw her husband and fought the urge to ask him about the house.
And then my cell phone rings. It's her. Son # 3's best friend's mum. "Hiya J, I have a question that's a little awkward to ask..."
My mind: Well, the word is out, Son #3 must've Facebooked his friend. Just don't cry, just don't cry, just don't cry...
"...are you viewing a house to let tomorrow?"
"That's MY house! It's our farmhouse!"
After I explained our situation, she said, "We'll work with you, don't worry about the deposits, we'll work something out".
My mind: "just don't cry, just don't cry, just don't cry..."
I'll post pictures soon. If you don't mind, I wouldn't refuse prayers that the base will approve the house (they would have failed the one we're currently in if I hadn't had a friend who swore he'd fix all of the "dangerous" things they found), and it will fit our needs.
Other than that, life is good. Change is good for you, right?
“Sometimes," Jem said, "our lives can change so fast that the change outpaces our minds and hearts. It's those times, I think, when our lives have altered but we still long for the time before everything was altered-- that is when we feel the greatest pain. I can tell you, though, from experience, you grow accustomed to it. You learn to live your new life, and you can't imagine, or even really remember, how things were before.”
―Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel