Pre-Holiday Gloom or Crying in My Eggnog

Aaaand we're back to wearing the stupid plastered smile.

Can I just say, to those of you in traffic, customer service jobs, schools etc... be a little kinder to those people who aren't necessarily giving you trouble. She may be the woman who has said very little at the check-out, she seems pleasant enough;  or the van in front of you that didn't pull forward quickly enough during the green arrow.
You see, she's distracted.
She would prefer to be at home curled up in a blanket, but the demands needs of her family don't stop just because she's sad.

That woman that just passed you at the school pick-up area may be facing one of the worst financial crisis of her married life. She may be mulling over the sad truth that the bouncy, happy daughter who is holding her hand while chattering about her day is soon going to have to be told the truth about Santa, because mom has no idea how to pull off that magical visit. Thanksgiving has already been cancelled.

Words to all of the folks who think the company my husband works for (code for the bad guys) pays so much money to their employees, not true. Sometimes they even give pay cuts, or reduce income based on where they send the employee to live. Sometimes there are so many moves in the employees career, the expenses never really get paid off.

I used to shake my head at the church people or family members that expected us to bring the food, book the flights, make the calls or buy the supplies for activities because they envisioned us "better off" than they. We've got 5 kids and lived on one income for 19 years- surely that was a clue to lack of wealth?

So yes, I am sad. I am unbelievably heartbroken over the state of things at the moment... and yet I live in an area where so many lost everything just a little over 2 months ago- can I really complain that we're not participating in the over indulgent meal of thanks?

PLEASE don't feel sorry for me, that just makes me feel chumpish for confiding. What I would love to hear are some "Oh yeah, been there!" stories to remind me that things get better. Because things will always get better.

Wanderlust

I'm traveling tomorrow.
It's THE absolute, hands down, least prepared trip I have ever not planned.

Time for the 20 year-old me to show up.   SHE never planned anything... and... lots of things went wrong, but WOW! the memories.
Age ( or Hubby's work, or responsibility, or...) steals the magic of spontaneous travel.
Sod all tomorrow,  road trip here I come!

Please tell me the last time you did something that scared the sense out of you.

Just Winking and Blinking and Naught

Why is it I loooong for bedtime, but when 10:00 rolls around, I suddenly find a pile of things that needs to be done?

Surely the quiet, alone time in the house is not as wonderful as a good sleep? Especially when one takes that quiet time and finishes laundry, or dishes, or gets lost somewhere in the Interwebdiol catacombs known as Pinterest.

Perhaps that could be a New Year's resolution? GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR or PINTEREST IS NOT ALLOWED AFTER 9PM.

Yes, I did just jump out of Halloween, clearing Thanksgiving and Christmas in one life-rushing bound. One does that when sleep deprived.

In not so many years from now, my bladder will no longer manage to wait until morning to wake me.
Not that many years ago, there were babies interrupting my sleep.
More importantly (and probably the most concern at present) it's nearly flu season and precious sleep may be hard to come by as we pass the cold compress and sick bucket.

WHY do I fight going to bed?

Am I alone? Any other tired soul reluctant to bid adieu to the day?

Ebby

"Rain, Rain, Rain Came Down, Down, Down..." -Sherman Bros

I used to love it when it rained...

Now I just look out the window and scowl. Rain means the puppy (did I mention we adopted a puppy and a kitten just two weeks after we moved to the United Sates?) will want to go outside twice as much as normal. It means most of my day will be spent dropping whatever I've started so that she can be wiped off with a towel (did I mention that there's a lot of towel washing going on here?).

I have taught her to wipe her feet, which begins with her digging at the towel and then rolling comically all over it. It's funny enough to watch and it earns her a treat.

OH MY STARS, a lightbulb moment- I think I just figured out 

why she goes out twice as much!

We have one very smart, cheeky little lab.

Meet Ebby, aka: Ebinator, Bebby, Dorkindogger. 

Yeah, not her most flattering photo.

To Hoard Or Not To Hoard

The last couple of weeks have been a great opportunity to teach my children how to serve. 
One family, who lost nearly everything to the recent South Carolina floods have become special people to my children. The husband, who is in the advanced stages of ALS, had to be be BOATED out of his house to the safety of the hospital. His wife and daughter were left to grab what they could save- which wasn't much.
Our church leaders asked us to come help with the clearing out of their home and the experience was heartbreaking. 

Watching years of a family's life together pile up soggy and soiled on the side of the street had the toughest of us weeping. Husband and I salvaged the things that we knew could be saved (what would have meant something had it been ours). 
I spent over an hour trying to separate pages of her journal- can you even imagine the loss? My focus was on the pages and I never looked at any of the writing, but I can only assume that their journey (when they discovered his illness) was probably recorded in that book. 
Husband saved his vinyl collection. Music is his life, we couldn't bear to let those go to the street.

This family will start over. It will be hard and some precious things can't be replaced, but they have accepted it all with grace.

Three weeks after the flood, we were surprised with another call. There was a single, disabled sister whose belongings were still outside and there was another storm coming. 

"Can you help move it all back in?" 

I approached the kids with the request. The 12 year-old put down his Kindle and started putting on his shoes. 
The 15 year-old asked, "Who? Why?" and when it was explained to him, shut off his computer and started getting ready. 
The 9 year-old was gathering her jacket and the 16 year-old asked, "WHY does everybody always call us?". 
Legitimate question coming from a boy who leaves for school at 6am and comes home at 5pm, participates in school government and sports and has one day a week that's his--and that's the day we keep pulling him out of the house. 
Question asked, he didn't even wait for an answer to get up and go to the car. 
This was on Halloween. Trick-or-Treating (for their first time in America) would commence in a few hours. I love my children.

My heart sank when we pulled up into the neighborhood. Silly me assumed that her stuff was in boxes, but it wasn't. And a lot of it was wet and moldy. 

We were given directions as to which room to take everything and told to wear masks and gloves before entering the other room that would house the remaining stuff. 
It's still hot here in South Carolina, so the floor was dark, wet and areas of that house had been stewing in the heat for the past three weeks. 

This is where I need to question myself: How much is too much to subject one's children to?  

#parentingFAIL:

MOST of the stuff we carried should have been thrown away weeks ago. A lot of it was not salvageable. 
I've watched enough hoarding shows in my life (and fight my own hoarding tendencies) to know that it's not easy to part with things, damaged or not, but I had to stand my ground over a 
particle board desk that had furry, green mold growing up the sides. 
"I understand you want to keep the desk, but this is NOT good for your health". 
"I'll clean it later" she said. 
But she wanted MY teenagers to carry it. 

We carried boxes littered with mouse droppings. The actual Hoarders crew would have refused and gone home for the day, but because we were "serving", we did it.

This experience will have me questioning that next call that comes in. 
Serving that first family was easy. We worked for 4-5 hours in the heat, only leaving to celebrate at Miss Ky's birthday dinner, sunburned and tired. No regrets. 
The second opportunity to serve made me realize that I don't always put my kids first like I profess. If I did, I would've had them sit in the car while we moved the flood-contaminated debris back into an unsafe house.

What are you holding onto? Any keepsake that doesn't actually bring you joy when you hold it? Get rid of it. You won't even miss it.
I could get profound and ask if there are any 'moldy' memories that do nothing but make you sick with guilt or regret, but that's deep. Maybe another day...

Wha? November Already?

Remember when approaching Halloween time meant fun, fun, fun- carnivals, candy and great costumes?

When did it become dread, dread, dread- is this month over yet?

I seemed to be greeting the end of each day with, "Whew, that one is over" even before Miss Ky was born in October, so I can't blame the added birthday party for the change.

There's never been a time when we weren't struggling financially, so I can't blame the added KAWHOOMP the recent international move did to our finances.

But really, did my parents feel this way? Were the sparkling, magical Trick-or-Treating memories I held from childhood, shielding me from their worry of where the third child's costume would come from? Did they dread the ringing of the phone, knowing that answering it would be another addition to another heaving calendar month?

I kind of doubt it. Parenting in the 60s and 70s seemed to be so much more laid back.

What is the secret for living in the moment now,  in our super-packed 2000s? For enjoying where you are, when you are? 

As the rest of the world focuses on what they're most thankful for this month, I'm going to hold myself for taking a moment each day to stop, take a deep breath and be in the moment. 

Hold me accountable, okay?