Wha? November Already?

Remember when approaching Halloween time meant fun, fun, fun- carnivals, candy and great costumes?

When did it become dread, dread, dread- is this month over yet?

I seemed to be greeting the end of each day with, "Whew, that one is over" even before Miss Ky was born in October, so I can't blame the added birthday party for the change.

There's never been a time when we weren't struggling financially, so I can't blame the added KAWHOOMP the recent international move did to our finances.

But really, did my parents feel this way? Were the sparkling, magical Trick-or-Treating memories I held from childhood, shielding me from their worry of where the third child's costume would come from? Did they dread the ringing of the phone, knowing that answering it would be another addition to another heaving calendar month?

I kind of doubt it. Parenting in the 60s and 70s seemed to be so much more laid back.

What is the secret for living in the moment now,  in our super-packed 2000s? For enjoying where you are, when you are? 

As the rest of the world focuses on what they're most thankful for this month, I'm going to hold myself for taking a moment each day to stop, take a deep breath and be in the moment. 

Hold me accountable, okay?

It's Not Always a Kind World

Welcome back!

It's been a long time and I have to admit, I have missed our little blogging community....

hello?

Is anyone even out here anymore?


Instead of deleting her completely, In the Gutter went private, invitation only (and no invitations were sent, so don't feel slighted) and I did some editing to remove personal information that could be used to track us in real life.

Unfortunately, there were traces of me (and the family) smeared EVERYWHERE.

I finally realized that I really can only do so much altering without damaging the framework of this blog that I have lovingly cradled for 8 years and have to just hope that I have done enough.
Because I was not able to purge all things damning, friends and family, the world isn't the place we knew in our own childhood and our life choices could now actually be used against our innocent children; so please, when commenting, real names and identities should never be used-- that includes yours as well. Any link to us could put you in the same harm's way that we are trying to avoid.



I've been gone for a while, have I missed anything? New not-to-miss blogs? Exciting news? Boring news?

No News Is Not Necessarily Always Good News

Wow, things one takes for granted.... Like signing on to your own blog and being able to read the language it comes up in... OR,  worse, finding out you can't even get in to it.
The joys of living overseas I guess.

So, we are now in July. We've officially been here a year and are on the downslide of the last  accompanied tours at this location. Quite frankly, it sucks.

My kids say goodbye to someone every week. It's gotten to the point of two of them refuse to go out of the house anymore- there's no one to go out to.
Some families that were slated to finish this next school year with us, have now taken a curtailment and are out of here next month.

Squadron functions? The fun dinners and BBQs held out in the community, have become a chore. I am one of the last spouses here. I can sit with a plastered smile while my husband makes his rounds through coworkers, but lately I've chosen to not go.

It's been said that the best way one can get through a difficult assignment is to make that one or two great friends... I'm sadly to the point that I don't want to bother. They'll all be gone within a month or two anyway.

So yes, I'm a sad sack- not that I would publicly admit that because then I get hit with the "How can you be sad? You live in Paradise!" or "You have a fantastic life, how can you complain?"

Nothing is great if you have no one to share it with and please don't confuse beautiful scenery with complete joy. It's hugely frustrating to  have to wait so long for mail- especially when the ships and planes that bring in supplies for our base can be delayed for weeks past the time that the shelves have gone empty.

This is the slow lifestyle I have longed for for years. Plenty of time to do all of the crafts, arts, activities, etc... that have nagged at me during my busy years, but because I'm so blue (and lonely for my friends), I can't seem to get focused. I hit the bed feeling glum that another day was wasted. The days are passing me by....

Pin It To My Forehead

Lists. Lists are good.

1. Love this island, paradise in a tiny little package.
2. Hate this island's allergens.  H a t e   t h e m.

3. Air Force draw-down declared for Lajes Field and a year and a half later, we're all still waiting for news what exactly that means.

4. Commissary selection grows thinner and thinner. Some shelving completely removed this month.

5. BX has reduced all cosmetics to fit in a tiny 3'x5' area. That includes nail polish and fake nails that no one ever buys.

6. Post Office has closed one more day of the week since planes really only bring in mail once a week.

7. Began attending multiple meetings at the school to discuss what will happen to school-aged children.

8. Came to terms with the fact that we WILL be here until summer 2015 and will be one of the last people with kids at that time. Bright side is, we're eager to explore everything this island has to offer.

9. Children have accepted that they now play with kids whose ages may be 3-6 years younger or older than they are- that's all that's left. Church people getting assignments to leave. We're down to 5 families and all but our family will leave by summer.

11. Learn about next year's "Virtual School" that our children will 'attend'. At my plea for some kind of physical program to PLEASE be included into the planning (now that we've written off sports and it's accompanying scholarships) a Col turns to us and cryptically says, "We're very aware of all of you (gestures to everyone) and your circumstances. Everyone will be getting contacted on a case by case basis soon".

12. Begin freaking out. What does that mean? Are we going? Are we staying? If we go, it means we're heading stateside and that's NOT in our plans.

13. Did I mention that I can't stand whatever allergen is putting so many of us under? Saline rinses become my crack and I cry, "I CAN'T do this for another year and a half!"

14. Husband texts me: 'Can you talk?" "Need to talk" "phone"...

15. He was contacted by the 'powers that be' to determine if we want to curtail this assignment because of our two high school peeps. It MEANS, going stateside in July. Which is NOT an option for us. Not interested. But... but... but, I really want to be here for the summer! This is the best place ever in the summer!

16. So, we told them no. We want to stay.

In a few months, when I'm whinging about how sucky life is here,
dying from allergies
while our friendless kids are staring at each other
in an empty church
as less and less supplies come in,



remind me that I chose this, ok?

And the Winds Howled

While the States slumber under their blanket of white, the wind whistles throughout the house. The rain, pelting us horizontally, comes flowing in rivulets under the door.
There's a beach towel tucked against the door to keep the puddles at bay.

Who could complain? It's cool, but not freezing. The strong wind assures me that there will be glimpses of sunshine and watching the violence of the white caps bursting on the ocean surface causes me to reflect on how little control we have over our lives.

I love living where I can see the ocean every day. I love the difference in color from one day to the next and seeing her moods change with every passing storm.

One could say I've always had a 'problem' giving water the respect it deserves. 

I crave it, I long for it, and if I see an area large enough to envelope 

a human body, I ache to be in it. Because of that, 

I've had a few brushes with near-drowning. 

Some of us are slow learners.

The husband chuckles when I watch waves SMASH 

against the jagged lava rock and still exclaim, 

"I want to be in it!".  

This is the result from a very angry sea recently hitting a local swimming area:

But I still love the ocean.

When our lives are hit with powerful waves, are we as eager to greet them? Do our eyes sparkle with excitement as it approaches or do we curl up in a little ball and pray to be rolled along the sandy bottom until the wave passes and we can surface for breath again?

Sometimes, we're only the observer and are forced to watch helplessly while someone we love is dragged under.

The oldest son is again bracing for the storm.

Military job security is no longer a given. An enlistment contract means nothing these days. He is fighting to keep an overseas assignment that was unjustly removed, so he will also face the repercussions that come from challenging one's chain of command (the legal office is in his corner, so he is right to challenge this, but if someone wants you kicked out of the AF, it's not that hard to make it happen).

As I watch the trials Son #1 continues to face, I have to remember that like the stone being rolled and dragged in the ocean current, constantly being polished, smoothed and rounded, that these trials are helping to shape him into the person he is meant to be. His dad and I can only stand back and hope this wave isn't a devastating force to his foundation.

It's so hard.

The winds are howling outside and whatever this latest storm will bring, we will have to accept.
 

Are you or is someone you love having any 'polishing' storms these days?


“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” -Tony Robbins

I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.

Tony Robbins

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/tonyrobbin126257.html#RSYjU20L101zY6Jp.99

I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.

Tony Robbins

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/tonyrobbin126257.html#RSYjU20L101zY6Jp.99