Having a Marvelous Time, Wish You Were Here

No Ifs, But Lots of ANDs and BUTs

My special Macbaby monitor reduces me to ugly threats if a child gets fingers too close to it. You know, one of those excited, "There's me!!" when their chubby face appears on the screen that automatically draws that pudgy little finger up close. DO NOT TOUCH MOMMY's COMPUTER.

BUT

be a nasty, annoying, little fly and I will smash you with the first large item I grab-- monitor or not.

The #1 Son is ASVAB testing today (does this seem like deja vu?) and has been told to contact us the minute he gets his results.

BUT

I am dragging four children to London in the morning, maybe telling the #1 Son to ring me at 3 am was a bad idea?

Back to bugs/creeping things, I called out to my husband from the bathroom to save me from a five-foot tall spider (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration),

BUT

when he sucked it up into the vacuum and the kids laughed hysterically, we had an "All God's Creations" discussion right there. The next massive spider was caught into a container and taken outside where God's other creations could eat it.

BUT

Maybe I should just relocate them into my computer room to control the flies?

AND

Maybe I don't want to have an iPad for free. Have you ever thought of that? Is anyone else tired of the spam circulating about iPads?

AND

Imagine some old lady rings your house EVERY day, "Dorothy?"

"No, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number."

"Who is this?!"

"There's no Dorothy here, you've mis-dialed..."

EVERYDAY.

Today she went straight into her shopping list, "Dorothy, I need 2 pints of milk".

What do you do?

Is There Hope For This Marriage?

It's not always fun and games in the Grockle household.  Dr. Laura would have a heyday with the relationships under this roof.

Today I had a kiniption politely informed my husband that I shouldn't feel lonely when living with 5 other people and that we just might possibly survive if football weren't playing on the telly or radio 24 hours a day. Just maybe.

Unfortunately I stated my case only 10 minutes before kick off and I was actually able to watch sweat bead down the Hubby's temples as he desperately tried to pay attention to my rant our discussion.

I gave in by busying myself so that he was able to get two radios blaring from different sides of the house.  Kind of me, I know, but I draw the line at doing foot massages. I don't care what some radio psychologist thinks I should be doing to keep my husband happy.

We won. Norwich City, that is. I know that because if I had wanted to, I couldn't have escaped the sounds of the game. I also know that the win was largly in part to this guy and his brilliant cross--Mr. Eye Candy himself,

Simon Lappin.

Yes, you poor people, it's Simon Lappin season again.  Don't bother trying to reason with me either, because you could end up reading more riveting posts about shoes or the always amusing (cough) children toilet stories.

Blame the husband.

We used to play board games for fun.


How's your summer so far?

It's a Ponderful Life

Imagine for a moment that you are watching that fateful exchange just before Capra's Clarence is dispatched to watch over his charge.

"Clarence, now that you have seen this young man's life up to this point and know what is in store for him in the future, what do you intend to do to direct him on the right path?"

"Well Sir, I expect the first thing I will do is throw a psychotic girlfriend at him to shake him out of the job he's now doing. You know, I don't really believe he was supposed to follow a nursing path to begin with, but the money's good and he is the type of young man to sit where it's comfortable".

"That's good Clarence, what then?"

"Well, I suppose I could encourage him to go live in his Grandmother's basement where there is no room for his things..."

"And?"

"I might have to work on his friends a little, maybe inspire them to look into serving in the military, that might give him a kick in the right direction".

"Alright Clarence, that strategy might work. Knowing what you know about what is in store for your young man, what do you have planned for him in the immediate future?"

"I've been thinking about this one! First I will have him speak to a AF recruiter who is extremely apathetic and not very encouraging. That recruiter could either turn him off completely or make him more determined-- I'm hoping for the latter.  I will inspire his mother to cheerlead him into finding a better recruiter. His step-dad will also encourage him and he will find one who is a little easier to talk to.
He's going to have to travel quite a ways and it will cost him, but he'll be close to his longtime girl-friend who will also be trying to get in."

"But Clarence, you know that the military at this time will be under the false assumption that they are over-staffed".


"That's no worry Sir! With the new fitness testing required I figure a lot of jobs will open up quickly!"

"Go on..."

"Well Sir, then he will have to go through a paper chase like you've never seen. He will have to clear up things in his past that should never have been put on his record to begin with. When that's finally sorted, I will have him accidentally leave his Social Security card behind so that he has to wait another week in the unwelcoming and poorly air conditioned house of his friend. He'll run out of savings and have to cancel his trip planned to see his family when they come to the states. His funds will get so low, he'll refuse to use his birthday money to eat out even though it's what his Grandma will have intended it for. He'll be discouraged, but determined.  When he's finally there to take the ASVAB test after months of organizing everything for that fateful day...

I will make the system crash".



"Brilliant Clarence. You just may earn your wings if all of this goes as planned..."


I can't see the bigger picture. I don't know whether the obstacles being thrown at Son #1 are to keep him from harm's way or to make him really want this. I just have to have faith that the angel in charge of his fate isn't a bumbling fool.

Nothing and a Whole Post of It.

Sometimes if you have nothing to say, you shouldn't even sign into your blog...


When have I ever listened to reason?

• Please think positive thoughts for Son #1 who takes his ASVAB today (finally!). He had a birthday earlier this week-- away from friends and family because he had driven to the recruiter only to discover he didn't have all of his paperwork and had to wait for it to arrive by snail mail. A perfect lesson in planning for him. Take EVERYTHING in case you need it, I'd pack the kitchen sink if it was detachable.

• Think "old guy" thoughts for the Hubby who just gained another birth year yesterday while I still hold steady at the number I chose. In three years, we will be the same age.

• High-five me. I'm finally shooting in RAW. Which is why I'm not posting a lot of photos since more time goes into making them web-ready.  Which also means you're not having to wade through "other people's kids" photos, so maybe the high-five really goes to you?

• Help me think optimistic thoughts. I will ride for 14 hours on a plane to get to somewhere that is waaaay hotter than where I am coming from, only to be surrounded by MY HUSBAND's family. Absolutely nothing wrong with Dad, wicked(ly awesome) Stepmother, her two daughters and Sister-in-Law with Niece, but I do see myself spending a lot of time being a single parent while Hubby reminisces about the "good ol' days" with Dad and Sis.

• Laugh at me when you know how I rejoiced as I was released from my excessively stressful church calling (RS Prez), only to be called in as Young Women Prez. 

          A week before girl's camp. 

Three weeks left of my kids idle summer holidays and Mom spent one of them away--with other people's children, laughing hysterically in a tent (of leaders) late into the night (technically, into the early morning).  I'll never grow up, but have discovered that
I don't rebound from all-nighters like I used to...

And I know you've been dying to ask:


How much weight have you lost preparing for the Disney World trip?


I dunno. I don't own a scale. I have dropped one dress size. I only discovered that on Sunday as I was walking out to my car and my slip slid down to my ankles. Embarrassing and exciting at the same time.



See? Nothing. and a lot of it. 

Somebody's Got Some Eschplaining To Do

Can someone please enlighten me as to who took my calendar and filled it up with ridiculousness?

My kids have only 6 weeks to be lazy, summertime slugs and yet yesterday when I opened my ical to see which day we would nip into London, almost every day had something scheduled. What the heck?

Friday I canceled a meeting. I wanted my kids to veg in front of a TV like normal kids. By 10.30 am they were bickering. Yay, normality!
I finally sent off the preteen with his dad for the afternoon. Three are left playing the Norwich Edition Monopoly... here is their game interaction:

"Stop it Ky!"
"Ky, sto-op!"

"A2, stop it!"
"STOP"
"Leave it aloooone!"

(dice finally rolling)

"What do I have to do to get out of jail?"
"Where's jay-el?"
"You're so lucky" (??)

"You have to pay a hundred!" (said in awe)
"10, 20, 30, 40, 60, 65... I have one pound!" (said with glee-- if I thought being broke pleased this child so much, I'd let him play with our check book)

"Where's the Norfolk Broads?" (Um, we practically live on them sweetie)

We just may survive the holidays...

but WHY is it that all winter I drag these zombie-like humans out of bed by their toes but during the summer they're up before the birds?

***                 ***                    ***

We got to watch Tim Howard (USA's Goalkeeper) play with Everton at Norwich. That was awesome. Wearing the ketchup from A2's hotdog wasn't.  Neither was losing to Everton.

***                     ***                     ***

Tonight's dinner prayer with the three year-old: "Please bless that we can have a good time on our airplane to Disney World..." (we're still over three weeks away from that lovely 14-hour leg-cramping experience).

At least with Miss Ky's prayers I don't get the, "Please bless that the food will be good..."

Yes. They do.

How are you filling your summer holiday?