Nothing Stays Secret Forever

“Lies and secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

• Sexy Guy and I came to the conclusion that we want to retire in Northern Ireland. We even made some cheeky inquiries around a possible place of future employment and looked into affordability of housing, cost of living etc.

• Someone in my house is stealing from me, despite several family councils, punishments, heartfelt and sincere conversations. They sneak and hide, like a secretive little ferret.

• I'm what you might refer to as an Emotional Empath. I've not yet learned how NOT to absorb others pain. Current events? Tragic news stories can sometimes level me. The news has sucked for a long time now.

• Emotional Empaths sometimes use food to numb negative emotions. I've been training myself to reach for almonds, but I'm not always successful. 

• Supposedly protein helps. Its got to be better than M&Ms.

• I was entrusted with a secret that grew heavier the longer I had to carry it.

• The secret changes everything. There will be no Northern Ireland. We will do our best to get back to the USA when this next tour is up.

• It's been over a month since friends began to be shut out and excuses were made to avoid situations where I might be tempted to spill what I knew. I hate secrets. I find them stressful. Then the flu hit the house and my almond stash ran out....

• Permission has finally been granted to reveal that my oldest son and his wife are pregnant with our first grand baby.

• Although our happiness was guarded because of another "secret" we have been privy to,

• Sexy Guy started looking online at cribs to buy for the young couple.

• I signed up with a private sewing teacher and envisioned creating an owl-themed nursery for the owl-crazy DIL as she and I "pinned" baby things into a secret Pinterest Folder.

• We were blessed to be happy, future grandparents for exactly 24 days before they decided that they aren't sure they're staying together. She is staying at her parent's home, several hundred miles away.

• Now my poor husband wanders around randomly picking up the phone, dialing it and then hanging up. This is uncharted territory for a man with a limited emotional arsenal (which makes him an awesome Air Traffic Controller). He's not sure whether to give them the "Get your head out..." speech or be the supportive listener.

• I just want to sit and cry all day. It hasn't helped that I haven't been allowed to confide in anyone.

• I can't sit and cry all day because there are kids who still need to be taken to football training, ballet class, birthday parties, church activities and school. You know, the kids who have been stealing from me.

• It's a blessing that oldest son feels he can still come to us with anything. It's ironic that the close relationship he and I have stems from the fact that his dad and I split up when I was five months pregnant, so it was just the two of us for a quite a few years.

A sweet friend posted this the other day and it was exactly the reminder I needed.