Help Wanted:

Wanted Immediately:

Energetic, multi-tasker to do damage control while family attempts to move house.
Primary responsibilities will be to care for a miniature tornado we currently have living in our home.

• Must have two sets of arms as one set will be needed to clean a mess while the other set is holding her to prevent new messes. At least one set must be very strong to hold dead weight when tornado is being convinced to do something she is against doing.
• Applicant should also have eyes in the back of the head.
• It would be good if your eyesight borders on legally blind so that you will not be suckered in by her cheesy smile when scolded.

Skills required: CPR training is a must. She will need the Heimlich maneuver at least once a week since small things seem to be drawn to her tiny esophagus regularly-- especially during birthday parties when everyone else's attention is on the other child for once.

Salary and terms will be discussed and permanently contracted on unchangeable metal sheets before the job begins.
Attempts to run screaming from the house after job begins will not be tolerated.

Please apply via the comment section of this post.

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