Employee of the Month

I'm considering of working outside the home.



Don't we all get to a point where we wonder if we're in the right place or not? For me, being a stay-at-home mother is not always the most satisfying life. Sometimes, I miss having an identity of my own. I fantasize about having a responsibility elsewhere, big people conversations that don't revolve around poo, and then coming in the door and having a hot, delicious meal waiting for me!

Anyway, I digress early today,

there's a job...

The hours are long. I'd have to clock in by 7 am every morning and sometimes will be required to work earlier.
There will be day shifts and night shifts and massive amounts of overtime.
The type of work depends on the day-- I could be doing everything from company paperwork to cleaning the employee toilets. Some jobs I will like more than others, but don't have a choice, I will have to do them all.

I know the people I'd be working with too. There's a couple of characters who make me laugh and some that can really do a number on a person's self-esteem. One particular female has made it quite clear that she thinks I'm fat. Can you imagine being around that everyday?

In addition to the regular work, I'd also be required to "be available" for last minute errands like bank runs, postal drops, etc...

The downside is what I know:

I know of one person who works hard but will never be available for those extra things-- which would leave me to do them. While he goes to the gym or to get a haircut, I can expect those last-minute "emergencies" will be left to me, so any plans I have will go out the window. That same guy is also going to school, so he gets first choice of the schedule for hours he'll be working. He's supposedly a really nice guy, but I think I could resent someone if their responsibilities always take priority over mine.

Another person is a crier. She gets what she wants a lot because she turns on the waterworks. That really bugs me, don't know if I could keep quiet watching her in action. I'd probably tell her off and end up looking like the bad guy.

There's a third person who has something of a lazy streak and will come up with all sorts of excuses to get out of actually doing the work. I don't waste the effort trying to motivate other people when I can just do it myself-- so I see my duties stacking from this joker. He's young too-- so his world revolves around him. Do I need to say more?

Most of the people I would be working with are known for their lack of organization. I'm great at that, I could really shine!


Unfortunately, that would mean some frenzied scrambling on my part to save us from their memory lapses.



I'm sure there's a crazy-huge list of positives for this job, but for some reason nothing's coming to me at the moment...

Where do I turn in my 2 weeks notice for stay-at-home-mom?





"Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids. "
Erma Bombeck

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I want a new job.

My job doesn't pay me enough and quite honestly, sucks a majority of the time.
My subordinates are disrespectful. There's inter-office bickering and unhealthy competition. I have brown-nosers always approaching me to paint a negative picture of their colleague.

Then there's the one who is throwing company money around like it grows on trees.
The same one who rings EVERY TIME something isn't going like he thought the real world would. He has a MY General Manager responding to me negatively because I'm not helping him as much as she thinks I should. She forgets I have other employees and can't focus all of my resources on her favourite.

They all call in sick regularly, but when I'm sick, you'll still find me at the head of the company.

I don't think I was the most-qualified for this job when I was thrown into it, and now that my sanity teeters on the edge of Lalalaville, don't think I'm the best one for it.

I want a new job.

Here are my qualifications:

• I am the Queen of multitasking. I can change a baby's poopy diaper while she's standing--with one hand-- while speaking on the phone to a son who refuses to pull himself out of a terrible mess he's dug for himself.

• I can type a blog post while several children are fighting around me.

• Even though it has been suggested my hearing isn't 100 percent, I can hear when a child is sneaking crackers out of the pantry-- three rooms removed from me.
• I have thick skin from all of the years of "I hate you", "People your size aren't supposed to wear horizontal strips are they?" and "Aaron's Mom bought him a new XBox360, I never get anything when it first comes out"s.
• Despite looking flabby and out of shape, I can carry heavy lumps of dead weight up flights of narrow stairs, making sure to dodge squeaky spots--causing contortionists poses.

• I can throw a meal for seven together in less than 30 minutes with whatever is in the kitchen-- a "seven loaf" miracle-- despite the picky tasters that will be present (the list of not-likes being: chicken, pasta that's skinny, cheese, eggs, coconut, strawberries, or any berries that were once whole and are now partially squished/blended/cut and tomato sauce).

• I keep a well-oiled machine. I can be in three places at once, but am hoping the new job won't require it because quite honestly, I'm tired of being everywhere.

I would like my new job to offer company benefits like a 30-minute mandatory bath time-- alone bath time with no one calling someone else a butt and resulting in the "butt" hitting the first, or someone else yelling "there's a poop on our floor" while guilty one rushes upstairs to shove said poop under the bunk beds resulting in me having to remove the under bed drawers to extricate it.
I want a new job.