Suspicious Minds

It's when some "kind" friend tells you that "someone" has been talking about you...
and you look at everyone differently and wonder: "Is it her?" (by the way, hurting someone out of kindess is not kind at all)

We had an experience in our church once. I was in a youth leadership position with several really lovely ladies. Women who sacrificed time and energy to help direct the path of the young women in our area. Women who put those girls ahead of their own needs.

And one day, there was a letter. Signed by Anonymous (wow, that person really gets around).
It told some pretty hideous tales of one of those women.

We were stunned.
And no matter how hard we tried not to let it affect us, our opinion of that woman was forever altered.

Even so, we all rallied around her. We gave talks and bore testimonies about being kind and forgiving.
Another letter arrived.

The matter became suspicious glances in the hallway. Accusations of who would be so ugly. Several people came to my mind. People whose lives weren't going smoothly and would feel the need to stomp anyone down like that. I looked at certain church members with thoughts of the things they had done in their past, and wondered if they were the ones throwing stones.

After months of distrust, the sick mind that penned those letters was discovered. Some of us had to repent of the thoughts we had had about people who were innocent. The damage was done. The poisoned pen had forever changed the dynamics of that group of women and rippled out through an entire ward.

Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" had nothing on us.

When the towers were attacked, Americans were told to go on with life as normal. We were told that if we lived in fear, the terrorist won. I wish I could say I was able to put my fears aside, but I didn't.
Very soon after, a person who really never took notice of skin color or nationality before was now highly suspicious of several clusters of men waiting to board the plane my husband was scheduled to take.

I looked at them with distrust. They looked at me.

It's hard to describe a non-verbal interchange, but I knew that these men knew, I was wondering if they could be planning something sinister. They had probably seen my look in a hundred other faces already.
I suddenly felt ashamed.
I smiled, but it was too late. The damage was done.

I will not let anonymous comments damage my trust.
You see, this blog isn't meant for the NY Times, or CNN. It's meant for me. It's my way of getting through each day with all of the good, bad and ugly I may be made up with. This blogging stuff actually saved me from a very dark time, and the fact that so many of you keep coming back always amazes me.
The friendships I've discovered along the way makes the one or two personal attacks worth it. I won't live in fear of a faceless attacker.

So throw stones, Anonymous. Sharpen your quill and write away -- on your own blog. I know who I am and whether or not I'm deserving of your terrorist-like tactics and you will not win.
I don't fear you.