Five Children and Counting, People!

Alright, Kathryn's got me all wound up with her post about stupid people and their thoughtless remarks-- So post number 99 (you hear that Flea, I catch on quick to this counting thing, don't I?) is a serious soapbox, whinging ramble-- get out now while you can!

I am a mother of four boys. add a little girl, but I had 3 years of being a mom with four boys.

I wore that title like a badge of courage-- with pride.


I didn't have one stinking easy delivery.
The first was 24 hours of hard labor with forceps, the second was long but I managed to have a little control throughout-- well, until I nearly bled to death and they whisked me out to surgery while my poor husband held his (first) few-minute old baby.
Baby 3 was in a military training hospital and I just want to say right now, for the record, Doctor in training that checked me to see if I was dilated anymore? I'm really sorry for the Linda Blair impression and I'm sorry you felt the need to cower in the corner for the rest of the delivery, but back labor hurts and you really should time your checks (and cut off one half of your monster-sized hands) before touching a woman that's already twisting her head all the way around. deep breath
Baby 4, I was determined NOT to lose it at any more doctors and made many pre-labor plans to be sure it would go my way. But my doctor, who had agreed with my plan, had no control over the nurse from hell. Hard labor was much faster, and if I had known it wasn't going to go on for 12-24 hours like the others, I might have been braver and not begged my husband to get me away from that mean witch. But once again, I went into Post Partum very disappointed with myself.

I had four sons that I worked hard to get.
And then the comments came. Like Kathryn mentioned, they're always in front of the kids.

So, you trying for a girl?
No, you trying for a brain?

Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond) once said that comments like that irritated her because she thought it implied her family was incomplete (she also had four boys).

Can I tell you how complete my family was with four boys?

That must be yes, because you're still here.

We danced to Disney. We sang.
Baby 2 could sing the entire first verse of the Star Spangled Banner--perfect pitch-- at the age of 3 (we lived on an Air Force base, where it's played daily over the loud speakers and Sept. 11th had just happened).
We frequented the library and the kids knew what a wolf fish looked like before they were three (now that's a skill that will carry you through Kindergarten).

I had my share of good times, like the time I went to answer the door and the two boys in the bath (yes, I know) played sinking ship and bailed all of the water out of the tub. When that water ran out, they moved on to the toilet. When I shut the door and started heading down the hallway, my feet went "slosh slosh slosh", a sound not frequently heard inside. Those boys were fast.
I also experienced the grocery shopping nightmare every mother should have at least once. The one where a child pulls something from the bottom of a pyramid display (WHY do they build those in a place where kids frequent?!)

I've cleaned every bodily fluid you can imagine off of places they shouldn't have been, and extricated children from places you wouldn't imagine they could fit. 'nuff said.

I have sat crying in emergency rooms for two skateboard injuries, high fevers, jaundice etc... and cheered for brilliant (my opinion) musical performances by trumpets, bass, drums, guitar, cornet, and the tuba.

I've taken on men bigger and meaner than me (yes, they do exist) when they threatened my children's self esteem and respectfully offered my polite "Yes Sir" and "No sir" in Motor Vehicle Court standing next to the teenage driver from hell.

I was feeling like my life was pretty complete. But you can't tell a store clerk that.

No, I stand there with my mouth gaping open at the audacity of the last question asked and watch as they move on to the next customer. I mumble all the way home.

Comments like:

"Wow, those are a lot of kids." and "You know what causes that don't you?" (Yes, which is why I try to do it as much as possible, so could you please hurry it up, you're cutting into my baby-making time here)
Oh, and the one I've enjoyed most over the years is, "My, quite a gap between your first and second, isn't there!"
Now, what if I had miscarried several before getting baby two? I didn't, the Hubby had to do a lot of sweet talking to get me to go through THAT experience again. How unkind would that comment be?

These lapses in judgement probably aren't intended as badly as we accept them.

In fact, most of the people offering up their stupidity are doing so as a gesture. Proof that they aren't judging the freak show happening before their eyes (you know, the woman with the amazing nine-armed octopus grabbing at every candy displayed on the 5 shelves at the check out with the cashier staring at the bar code on the shampoo as if it will tell her why the price isn't scanning).

And while we fume and think of the comebacks we should've given during dinner or throughout and entire episode of CSI, they've long forgotten that they ever saw a frazzled woman in the store with four hairy little boys hanging from her every limb.

Just last week I was standing behind a woman in a shop on base. I had heard her voice several times saying, "Don't touch that." "Get down from there." "I told you to stay by me", but it fell on me like elevator music.
I knew it was happening, but really paid no attention since it was my 30 minutes and 21 seconds of child-free shopping.
While I stood in the line to pay for my items, I only vaguely noticed that the woman and two boys were in front of me, and her friend was purchasing her things. About the time she said, "I'm just going to take them outside while you finish up and then when you're done, I'll come back in", I realized that she had been struggling to keep these two little boys composed.
I hadn't really noticed them before then, but now the woman had burst into tears and was trying to laugh it off telling her friend that going out with them just stresses her out...

I felt so bad for her. I stepped closer, put my arm around her and said, "I don't think I have ever left the commissary NOT in tears."
She thanked me.

What I wanted to tell her, but didn't because then I was feeling stupid standing there with no children, was that her boys hadn't disturbed my shopping at all. I thought their little faces were adorable and they were just doing things little curious boys do. She couldn't see the joy or wonder (and mischievous grins) on their faces because she was worried about how they were behaving and how it would effect others around her (something I do and live regretting EVERY single night since I became a Mom).

So, Moms (and Mom's to be) (and women waiting to be Moms) unite!
Let's be proud of our shop destroyers, and these wonderful little guys who talk too loud and play at inappropriate times.

And the rest of you...

If I don't know you, it's NOT o.k. to ask me sensitive questions about my personal relationship with my husband (ie: insinuations that maybe he's NOT the father since the child has a different hair color) and you really should be concentrating on the price of that shampoo instead of educating me on acceptable birthing numbers. And now if you'll excuse me, the planet still has a couple of square feet that needs to be filled....