Toilet Talk

Do you know what's worse than having to take an entire tribe into a public bathroom stall?
Taking just one three year-old who likes to undo the door latch at the same time you're testing your balance with trousers down around your ankles.


Sorry for the visual guys.



That same child loudly proclaimed, "You don't have a baby in there, that's just your tummy".
At least she left that "f word" (three-letter adjective) out this time.

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

I'm loving this summer review thing! Especially when the folks from an amazing place like CSN Stores--who have everything from lights to modern furniture and tableware, are the ones asking me to review. My last experience with them was perfection, so I eagerly agreed to review another kitchen product.

Previously, I was having a hard time deciding what to review because the cookware selection is vast and let's face it,
I'm as bad as a teenager high on lotus flowers when trying to pry myself away from place
dedicated to cookware.

Bring on the euphoria...

Watch this space!

American readers,

you can enjoy CSN Stores in the U.S. as well!

School's Out... well almost.

I'm rocking this mother thing!

Second day of the last week of school? I forgot Ky's Sport's Day. When I mentioned it to friends, they responded, "Oh...(insert shocked and stunned Good-mother facial expressions) well, how did she do?"

They didn't understand that I f o r g o t her Sport's Day. I didn't take her.

She has a party today, last day of school. I hope I don't forget that too.

Need Something?

We are on the final week of school wind-up and I am again meeting myself in the doorway, so I'm sorry, blogging is on the bottom of my priority list. However, since I value my friends (and people paid to come read here), I will provide a public service instead.
Don't bother working up a sweat trying to find that special item only available through a military base "For Sale" site-- I've done it for you.

Today's ads:

"pink strip dress". Yes, this dress from Mini Mode will be perfect for your 0-3 month-old daughter to do all of her Gypsy impersonations. Watch this site for pole dancing gear for your one year-old.

"Single Person Wanted for Trip Oct ". Yes please. Oh, you need a single person.
"Need info on cakes and beer kegs ". Nothing like a good stout to go with red velvet cake. Yum Yum.

"baby fluufy coat with ears". No matter how many times I google, "Fluufy" doesn't come up. I'm assuming one with ears must be pretty special.

"outdoor kids scooter ". This is really getting educational. I didn't even know they made indoor scooters. We had an indoor toddler's bike just after Christmas...
"native american indian tribes". I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think the sale of people is legal. A whole tribe? Where did this person pick this item up? How did they get it over here? Maybe that's not a sale item, maybe it's an incomplete sentence, or a declaration?

"Dinning/Pool/Ping-pong Table" I have been doing things wrong. I didn't know that one could dine (dinn?) as well as play ping pong at suppertime. My kids are going to LOVE this.
A little confused about the "pool". I'm assuming I should put a cue ball on the table and not try to fill it with water. That would make my food soggy I think.


I have responded to the trip ad and she hasn't returned my email. Do you think the five kids may have tipped her off that I'm not over here by myself?

Son Number One is on hold. Call me silly, but I had NO IDEA that Americans were queuing up to join the forces, but apparently that is the case. My J1's ASVAB testing date is the 3rd, so even though all of his paperwork is in with the Air Force, he has to just sit and wait for a couple of more weeks.



Here's what he does with his spare time:




Most people get photos of their kids in college or of their children's children. THIS is what I get in my email in box. FYI, his zoom lens isn't that great. He's an in-your-snakey-face photographer.

And no, I don't even freak out when he says he's been bitten by a sidewinder, scorpion or a rattlesnake. Again.

He should take out an ad:

"Snake Wrangler available for Children's Parties".

Anyone interested?

Reading

It's officially summer (although someone forgot to tell that to the UK, we've been wearing winter clothing to summer football tournaments), which means it's socially acceptable to admit to consuming reading a lot of books.
I just finished a simple, light read of 599 pages ( I know, "She has five children, where'd she find time to read 599 pages?!"), The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall.

Extremely protective of my free time, I did NOT regret investing the hours to this tragicomic page-turner. I was even very sad to see it end. If Udall ever thought of writing a sequel, I'd be first in the queue.

Anyone with children living in the home or feeling overlooked by a spouse; the "invisible child" of the family or just intrigued by the whole polygamy lifestyle, will be rewarded with this summer escape.

The story is what the title comically suggests, a man married to four wives with 6 times as many children -- how on earth could one be lonely?
But Golden Richards is. He is having one humdinger of a mid-life crises, and there's no one to help him through it. Through his eyes we quickly become attached not only to him, but to various family members and colorful characters whose actions have impacted his life.

My affection for The Lonely Polygamist was increased by the setting, the story often referring to the city I grew up in and the surrounding Utah/Arizona/Nevada countryside. It gave me a sneak peek into the lifestyle of the many 'secretive' polygamist communities that always held so much mystery to the rest of us living a few miles away. Udall brought warmth to the characters and their way of living. I saw them as women, children and men with feelings and worries like my own, rather than a just peculiar group of strangely dressed zealots.

What impressed me most about Udall's approach to this entertaining tale was how he'd have me hanging on every word for one character and then switch to another (who's story would be knitted into others an as fully engrossing). At one point when I was completely addicted to three different plot lines already, without me knowing it, he gave me a history lesson when I thought I was just reading a memory of a wedding.

Udall weaves an intricately connected link between the pasts and the presents of each character, slyly tangling them in ways to leave us speculating long after the book has been passed on to our girlfriends.
I'm still in awe of foreshadowing I missed and can't get one particular character out of my head (I think I see a little of him in each of my boys).


So, the first of my summer reading list, I will highly suggest this book-- especially for book clubs in search of an in-depth book discussion.

What have you been reading in all of your spare time?



Sensitive readers may find some language offensive, email me if you have concerns or need specifics.

Yes, I Do Have Other Kids, Why Do You Ask?

Material Things

Buying clothes for Miss Ky is like my own personal crack. I don't know how it happened, not being a particularly girly-girl myself, but my daughter is now the possessor of all things blingy.

Just yesterday we took the hubby into the city to get him something to wear that wasn't around with The Breakfast Club came out.
It was a frightening venture since his clothes shopping would occur on the second floor of the cutest girl clothes store in the country.

"No matter what I say, Miss Ky does NOT need clothes. DO NOT let me buy her clothes."

A lot of good he is. As soon as we parked he announced he needed to go find a toilet.

(I know that sounds crass to my Yank friends, but Americans sound a little silly asking for a bathroom while shopping. "I'm sorry Sir, you'll have to wait until you get to your home to take a bath".)

The scent of the sequined tops had already skipped into my nostrils and I zombie-replied,

"Yougoonthen,I'llwaitinthegirlsection..."

Fool.

When he joined us I already had a need of a forklift.

So,

Princess World-Revolves-Around-Her has a new wardrobe.
One that will never be allowed in school, since they are able to paint their bodies without any supervisor noticing; since they come home with face paint 2 out of 3 days; because they exchange clothing with their friends...


Tonight,
the girl in the most adorable matching ensemble EVAH decided to get into the purple paint while I chopped onions for dinner.

I never learn. I wonder if there's a 12-step program for stupidity.