Insanity 101

Welcome to Inadequate Parenting 101.

In this class you will learn how to appear as if you're supervising and or parenting your children. The skills acquired during this course should enable you to successfully fly under the wire for local child protective services without the effort involved for real and diligent parenting.
The class has been broken down into 7 weeks.

Week 1: How look as if you're following your child's soccer game while texting or twittering with your blog friends. We will be covering believable facial expressions and appropriate pauses between "oohs and ahhs".

Week 2: How to make school uniforms appear as if they were washed over the weekend when they're discovered at the bottom of the laundry hamper 15 minutes before school begins.

Week 3: Preparing a round meal when there are only 25 minutes of home time per day. Frozen pizza is round, bowls of cereal are round etc...

Week 4: How to appear as if you really want their friends over and yet manage to avoid extra muddy footprints. We will practice calling the parents of child and extending invitations with heartfelt apologies for the severe bout of mono currently in the home, or asking if they mind if the kids play nekked outside to keep mud off of the carpets when they come in.

Week 5: How to drive without the radio to provide a good study environment

Week 6: Learn acceptable school absence excuses for the days when you really don't want to get out of bed and how to space them so as not to alert truancy officers.

Week 7: Stocking the refrigerator with easily prepared foods (that a toddler can manage) so meal times will not interfere with blogging.

Supplies required for this class: apathy, pencils and paper.
(The instructor has not been designated at this time because there are so many to choose from this semester).

This Monday Mission post has been brought to you by Painted Maypole. This week's mission is write your post in the form of a class description. Click on over and check it out (and say a prayer, she's gearing up for Ike now).

Sticks and Stones and Uptight Teachers

Mrs. Grockle,

I wanted to discuss certain behaviour I have recently observed on the school grounds, and because I love teaching your children and (usually) enjoy having them in my class, I hope you don't take offense.
Mrs. Grockle, it is our policy that we treat others with respect. Any behaviour that may hurt someones feelings will not be tolerated on the playground. Running, gymnastic-like cartwheels and skipping that could endanger another is not permitted. Loud voices and shouting is disruptive.
I feel it is my duty to ask you if in the future would you please refrain from "celebrating" the drop-off of your children and limit your cartwheels, "who hoo!"ing and skipping across the lawn to your own garden.

Thank you,
Your embarrassed children's humble teacher.

This post has been a Monday Mission. This Monday's Mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a post in the form of a letter home from a teacher. Brought to you by Painted Maypole.
For you folks new to my blog, Monday Missions is one of the few blog-assignments I participate in regularly. It's an ingenious way of kick-starting dead brain cells. I'm so glad it's back on! Check it out and join the fun.