Double Feature: Beauty Tips By Ky & The Claws Come Out

You know this is the place you come to when you want beauty advice, right?
That IS why you're following me?
Not one to disappoint, I'll tell you about a great hand lotion Miss Ky has found.

She discovered it one night while I was washing dishes (which requires boiling water if you're keeping up). She came in rubbing her hands together and I thought, "Oh no, my Body Shop Vanilla Spice glimmer lotion that I have managed to stretch out over a year? Or is it my Coconut-Kiwi body butter? OR is it the last drop of my Almond Body oil I'm so desperate to make last until I can get another bottle mailed to me?"

When you're forty-four years old and now living in a house that is lit brightly, body creme is everything. Grounds for hanging a child by her fingernails if said child should waste some.

I pulled her sticky little hands towards my uber-sensitive nose (which was really not necessary since the smell was unmistakeable as soon as she was within reaching distance).

THAT was the smell of kid's toothpaste. The hand creme of the stars. Apparently you must lick the lid real well first. (come on over CPS, I'm poisoning my kids with toothpaste).

A2 discovered a cure for people with annoyingly tiny nostrils-- blu tac fits up there rather nicely and if you get a big enough chunk, it's possible that over time your nostrils could be flared as attractively as an angry bull's.

Nothing but fun over here, folks.

My carpets are cleaned (in the old house, I refuse to clean these carpets until I know we're going to use them) and the last bit of furniture is out, so I sign it over tomorrow morning.
It's frightening to think of the timing of it all. I will give up our other home on the exact same day this one goes to court for repossession. What are the odds?

I do have heat. Wonderful, glorious heat that took three men from 8 am to 6 pm to get working.

However, I won't be celebrating just yet since my Husband's car just failed the MOT (an inspection of road worthiness you are required to pay for annually -- you can fail for low tread on your tires, to a chip in the right place on your windshield). The same garage that checked his car before he left is the one who performed the MOT.
You tell me, the car has been driven twice in the three weeks since he left, does an exhaust system really go that horribly bad in three weeks?

I might have handled it better if I hadn't been forced to entertain a toddler for the 3 hours we waited, but I vaguely recall telling the guy I would rather "drive the flipping thing off a cliff if England had any" to which he calmly replied, "It isn't that big of a deal, it will just take one day to fix and only cost about £70" (of course causing me to narrowly MISS the road tax payment that will be due and can't be paid without the MOT).

Yeah, get back to me after you discover that Miss Ky rearranged your parts shelf, then we'll talk about it being no big deal.

Just the Facts

I have five children.
The oldest is 2o years old.
I have been a parent for a little over twenty years.
The first 18 of those years, I only had boys.

Boys wipe boogers in places you don't discover until AFTER guests have gone.
They poop in unusual places as well.
When they walk in their sleep, they will sometimes pee in places that can be unsettling.
Some boys have an amazing gag reflex that can cause vomiting in theaters and restaurants.

Armed with this information (ie: I am not a brand new mother of my first child and just now experiencing the "joys" that come with parenting),

can someone please tell me,

does anyone else out here have a toddler they think could just possibly do them in?