Is there a Psychologist in the House?

It begins as a simple courtesy, a "Hello" here, "You alright?" there and somehow it blossoms into a deep friendship.

How do we determine the people we let into our lives and the people we shut out?

There's a couple at church. They're in their early 60s and I may have never given them anything more than polite greetings on Sunday and generic salutations at Christmas (by signing the entire family's names on a card). But one Sunday, the man stood by me and my newborn baby and commented how he was dying for a hold.

I guess I should mention here that I am slightly germaphobic. Yes, I am the mother that smiles as the boys' friends run in and out of the bathroom, but secretly steps in behind them to do a quick Clorox wipe of the faucets and door handles.
Don't lie, you do it to.
Oh, you don't?
Anyway, babies 2-4 were wrapped in a plastic bubble before anyone was allowed to touch them. We had hand sanitizer on every flat surface and required people to use it before touching our baby. ABSOLUTELY drove me NUTS when total strangers would "pet" my babies-- by grabbing their little tiny hands-- you know, the precious little hands that would instantly go to the baby's mouth. I even had a man put his finger in my baby's mouth once like he was offering a paci!
Deep breath and pull yourself together, J.

So, to this silver haired charmer, I offered up my precious bundle. But he refused, saying he always lets his wife have the "firsts".
She drives the new car first, she operates the new appliance first, she comes first in his life. Intrigued, I stood there and talked to him and found out quite a bit in a little time.
Eventually, they both had their holds, and Miss Ky wrapped that poor man around her finger.
He didn't stand a chance.
These people have become important figures in our lives. People that we're genuinely happy to see when they stop by without ringing. They're the first people we think of when planning anything fun.

There's another couple. Younger, closer to our ages. They are thoughtful and ask when we're absent from church. They invite us to dinner. They want to get close to us. And for some reason I dread doing anything with them. I then feel guilty for feeling that way, which makes me NOT want to be with them that much more.
One night as we were driving over to their house, my husband nailed it when he said, "I'm just not drawn to them". It's nothing they've done.

So, why is that?

The first couple knows more about us than some of our family members. The second knows nothing. And many other "friends" have been kept at that same arm's length.

I've mentioned once that there was an Oprah show on friendships and she mentioned that YOU have to take it to a deeper level by opening up. I tried it once with a couple we instantly clicked with. I couldn't wait to get a phone call from J.E.. We did several family things together-- our husbands chatted and our kids played together while we laughed hysterically.
Then she went on vacation. And left me alone. And when she finally came back, she didn't call.

I heard that her van had broken down, so I called and asked if I could take her to get groceries. I got a polite, "No, really, we're good and the car will be finished today". She stopped calling. This was a woman who would call in the morning and talk for two hours and call in the evening after the kids went down. And yes, I called too.

I started seeing her out with a new friend. One that had moved in, just two doors down from her. They began spending every waking moment together.
I was crushed. I had been replaced and had no idea why. The dumbest part was that I had friends. Several GOOD friends, that I had neglected during this "friendship fling".

That's why I'm hard to get to know now. She struck a nerve in my self esteem that to this day has never been completely repaired. I reached out and allowed a friendship to really develop, only to be dumped like a flavour of the month. I had rejected others in the process.

Ironic, isn't it?

How I've just opened up and shared with you. People in countries (ok, states) I've never visited, and faces I may never see. (but some I hope to)

How about you?

Do you keep some people at a distance but then inexplicably let others in?
Are you more real out here than to the people you interact with daily?

If so, Why?

What are you afraid of?