...as the ball is bounced off of the dining room wall nearly crashing into my china hutch.
"Wah wah wahwah wah wahwahwahwah", she says to the child holding the refrigerator opened for the 5th time in 20 minutes.
My boys must speak another language. I can't quite understand why I must repeat things like, "No food in your bedrooms", "Flush the stinking toilet!" and "What on earth possessed you...".
My walls seemed to vibrate as they do when a sonic boom occurs near your home.
It happened again.
"This can't be good", I thought.
I headed down the stairs cringing.
If I busted them kicking a soccer ball in the living room, it was over. They had been warned: all balls would be GONE from the house if I caught them kicking one inside (they are already moved into "lock down" where a kid has to request it and return it to me for each playing session now). I feared for them. I feared for their football careers that are going to see me into my old age.
BOOM
I slipped into the dining area where I can see the living room through glass doors. And waited.
That's when I heard them sing jointly, "One, two, three!" as I watched J2 THROW his body into the sliding glass door. BOOM!
I thought I was going to have to kill him. Kill him because "what on Earth would possess (a boy) to throw (himself) into sheets of glass?!"
They all stared at me as I shouted in my loudest "You could've really hurt yourself" voice.
"They heard, "Wahwah WAH wahwahwah!!"
Maybe I could get an interpreter or at least, some subtitles.
Kicking a football around would be safer.
ReplyDeleteOH MY thats a new one my boys havent done that yet or that I have caught them ... its not funny but I did chuckle a little when I read that. I think my kids need a translater or maybe a hearing aid or something cause they dont hear, understand or react when I tell them something.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me think of a bird that crashes into a closed window because, well it's a stupid bird!
ReplyDelete*ROFL* Oh my gosh - EXACTLY!! I totally feel like a Charlie Brown teacher.
ReplyDeleteBut on another note - if they couldn't have hurt themselves...it would be quite funny...if I wasn't the mom and it wasn't my door. Well ya know. ;)
I truly believe that I occasionally lapse into Farsi or something like that. It's the only explanation for the fact that they don't seem to understand a word I say.
ReplyDeleteTell me, does the teacher voice have an accent in the UK? Or does it sounds as universal as "no"? Which, coincidentally, is also incomprehensible to anyone, anywhere, under the age of 25? I'm just sayin.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Carolynn
*laugh*
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be laughing at your Frustration and (more or less) I face that almost every other day inside my 4 walls too...
but picturing you and kids as cartoon characters.... *laugh*
you need a velcro room. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeletethey're just practicing to be men who ignore their wives
ReplyDelete;)
oh my good lawd, me be takin some boys to the woodshed, for some serious "discussions," I'm old fashioned like that.
ReplyDeletewhen does your husband get to come home?
Ohhhhhhhhhh.
ReplyDeleteBoys.
Oh geez! Sounds like a good time to take them all about 40 miles from home and leave them in a pasture with signs pinned on their back saying, "Free to good home".
ReplyDeleteOur kids are related.
ReplyDeleteOkay, my first reaction is how dangerous this is, but then I was laughing so hard, I forgot about the danger.
ReplyDeleteInto the sliding glass door?! That takes the cake for "what on earth were you thinking" stunts.
ReplyDeleteI am absolutely certain when I talk my kids here "wah wah wah waaahhh". :)
ReplyDeleteI think you should just duct tape them to the wall like that redneck email that keeps going around. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteshaking my head. It's amazing isn't it, what they think is fun????
ReplyDeleteI had the morning from hell here, pardon the French. Let me just say, I'm never taking my two little turds grocery shopping again.
Ha! I think that's what my boys must hear when I'm questioning their sanity and yelling at them for doing exactly what I told them NOT to do!
ReplyDeletesigh
These days are just preparing you for the days ahead...when they are BIGGER but still just as stupid. The days when they will cut fingers off while trying to cut a golf ball in half ,or blow up the backyard while playing with fire and hairspray.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think everyone with a penis is a different version of the SAME guy.
Hang in there:)))
i kept thinking about a bird. and then i saw someone wrote my exact thought!! dang it!
ReplyDeletebut for real.
birds.
duh!
I have an idea Jeri instead of yelling at them in English to get their attention make up another language. Something like the wahwahwahwah. They will stop and listen and then you can all laugh AND then you can explain to them why whatever they are doing is not appropriate....just a thought!
ReplyDeleteOr a bit of reverse psychology sometimes works.
“I bet you can’t eat all of those veggies.”
When Joseph (nearly 3 year old I look after each Monday) and I go for a long walk about every 5 minutes I say "Are we there yet" and he says "Not yet Peggy"...we walk about a kilometer taking photographs and smelling the flowers before reaching the icecream shop.
You are one of the funniest bloggers I know Jeri....always enjoy visting you blog.
Hugs
Peggy
Do you hear the Linus and Lucy music in your head when you walk down the street? I do.
ReplyDeleteAs for life as a cartoon -- if you ever catch the comic strip "Baby Blues" it's like they stuck a camera right into my life!
Sheets of glass only hurt if the break. Duh.
BOYS
ReplyDeleteWhen my Kiddo was smaller and we had a large enough room, we actually let him play baseball with a plastic bat and a very soft nerf ball or other soft ball. He learned how to pitch to himself and kept himself out of trouble. We said above a certain area was a homerun, etc. We even let him 'slide' into a base to practice running.
DOH! If it makes you feel any better, my boy has done that too. Argh! My husband's brother once SUCCEEDED in pitching my husband through a window over a fight about a remote control. Boys scare me. I'm from a 'girl house' where our viciousness was with our tounges.
ReplyDeleteThe upside is that they were playing cooperatively rather than fighting, right? Just tryin' to find the positive!
Oh my goodness. The things they come up with! I hear you with the language translating problems. Two things I have often said to my boys,
ReplyDelete"I feel like I'm talking to the wall here," because no one seems to be listening.
Also, "I'm speaking English, not Greek." because what I say doesn't seem to be registering.
Hang in there. Hugs to you.
Jeez mum, you're no fun!
ReplyDeleteThe thing is; when they do something that's actually life-threatening, one always fights a complusion to beat the living crap out of them (or perform some other form of life-threatening punishment) LOL
BOYS!!!
ReplyDeleteI am astounded on a regular basis at the outlandish, disgusting, dangerous, totally brainless things my boys do.
Oh. my. gosh! Where on earth do they come up with their ideas from, these kids? My kids have pulled some real doozies too but, thankfully, not running into anything made of glass...that I know of! Maybe something equally as dangerous but just not as loud so The Mother can hear. :)
ReplyDeleteI sure wish I could speak kidease but I don't think adults are allowed to know that language.
ReplyDeleteHahaha!!
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to laugh. It really isn't funny. It's just. I know this so well. I think boys must be missing part of their brain or something. It is insanity!!!! Seriously. I just don't get it sometimes.
OOOOhhhh, do I hear you and the boom. I ask mine, are you playing appropriately and really, they know the word, they know acceptable and not acceptable but do you REALLY think they ever play appropriately if I'm more than two feet away? (How many more years?)
ReplyDeleteYou = Wah
ReplyDeletecould've = wah'wah
really = waaah
hurt = WAH
yourself = WahWah!!
Hope you are doing well:)