Great-less Expectations

A few posts back I may have given you the impression that I was again complaining (moi?!) and inferred that I had a less-than-ideal house guest planted on my sofa.
I'm here to retract my previous thoughts.

Two years ago when Hubby was deployed the first time while living in England, I was struggling (I now blame it partially to postpartum depression). A friend offered to come give me a respite from my monotony of tending children and speaking to myself and I gladly accepted her offer-- so much so that the Hubby paid for her ticket to come.
It only took a few days of her continuous contact with her own husband, needing to be back where she had just come from (business) and constant refusals to go see sites with us to regret her visit.

It was the kids' first school break where we could get away and go do some fun things about England and this friend said, "Nope, been there, done that" because she had lived in England 20 years ago (in a totally different area, I might add). She only wanted to shop in thrift stores and for me to pack three small boys and an infant in the car to drive her around to them was an added burden.

So fast forward to the trip of my mother. My mother who quite honestly is not in good health.
Once again, I got into my J the Grockle thinking and excitedly planned all of the local things we could see. Things that wouldn't require a lot of walking (but there's always some-- you cannot drive up to the door of English Heritage sites).

Only, she wasn't interested.

I had envisioned her walking with my children in the garden or up to their bus stop.
She wanted to read.
I wanted to take her to my favourite little shops packed to the roof with textiles, sparkles and custom wood furniture. She wanted to go to the "dollar" stores.

And then I had that "light bulb" moment.

She wasn't a bad house guest. She had spent all of that money to come here and just be with us. It's my personality to fit as much into one day as humanly possible, not hers.

I reflected back on my childhood trips to the lake, mountains, or desert and she was always sitting reading a book. I got my love of reading from her (but fortunately got my "live in the moment" life view somewhere else). I sing because she did. Every goofy song long forgotten by our generation, my kids now know--"Skinamarinkydink" anyone?

As I tried to tempt her with photos of priories and castles to see, I was worried she'd get home and regret that she knew more about the novels she read than her grand kids favourite books and the funnest hiding places in the garden.

But I don't think she will.

I think she cherished watching us live our routine and being able to see the kids in their everyday silliness.

I did drag her to a priory and she couldn't quit talking about how wonderful it was.

I hauled her to my shop, where she bought so much she had to leave clothes behind.

I took her to London and completely reveled in her joy seeing the clock tower (that houses Big Ben) from the top of a double decker bus.

The friend from before? I'm thinking I was wrong there too.

She walked with my boys.
Her idea of helping was to take the boys for a walk down the lane every evening she was with us.
I had 30 minutes every evening to focus on my baby girl.

The next guest that comes to visit us will find a completely different host. I will not expect anything, but enjoy everything.

Thank you Mom, for coming all the way over here to spend your 75th birthday with us. Thank you for loving my kids and teaching them to enjoy the simple moments. I am happy to say we're really going to miss you!

Child Minders Wanted

I have the opportunity to stand on the red carpet (ok, just really close next to the red carpet) while the Harry Potter Cast appear for the premiere.

However, this event will occur just a few weeks before the wayward Hubby returns. This has left me with some serious prioritizing and since we know that attending this once-in-a-lifetime event trumps four lovely children, I am currently taking applications for baby sitters.

The skills required for the person or persons considering this job:

1. Keep them alive, preferably unwounded in any way requiring hospitalization.

Apply below.

Six

Last night,
I wrapped my arms around you
and told you
that these have been the best six years of my life

Holding your warm little body
against mine...
it was the purest moment I had
experienced all week.

A week of rushing everywhere
and eating on the run.
It was the first moment
that I inhaled and relished

as if trying to stop time
from rushing forward--
another rapidly passing six years.

Hold still. Let me breathe your innocence
and joy in the simple things.
Let me stamp your laughter
on my heart.

So that I can wrap my arms
around it in the years
when hugs are unwanted.

Happy birthday, my sweet little boy.

Battlegrounds

Sun Tzu author of On the Art of War (400 B.C.):

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"

This is the girl who in one week,

threw blueberry yogurt on my white sofa and carpet.
drew on my bed with lipstick.
ate her brother's entire box of Valentines Day candy (and apparently hid a couple of pieces in his pillow case when I interrupted her pillage-- to be found later after they fell out of the case and the boy slept on them. Oh, THEN he joined me in my bed after a nightmare. 1 pajama shirt, 2 fitted sheets, 2 flat sheets, 2 pillowcases and my white comforter cover had to be washed again).
soaked the bathroom carpet while swimming in the bathtub (her brother overseeing the bath said, "I told her 'no'.").
ate every Baby Bell cheese out of the refrigerator.
threw her first screaming and kicking tantrum in the post office where I crumpled my letter trying to pick her up and the post lady informed me that since it was too big to slide easily into the size slot, I'd have to pay more.
drew with a black permanent sharpie on the sofa.

I'm not a neglectful mother.

I am not considered a lenient mother.

I am a one woman running a household with four small children alone. Outnumbered.
I am the one bleeding the radiators every day--still, after our plumbing problems in January. I am the one caulking the showers, cooking the dinners, doing the laundry (except ironing, I don't do ironing.. or sock sorting).
I am the one calling the council when my brown recycling bin gets skipped again, or the appliance repairs when the refrigerator is making pools of water in my kitchen.

I sometimes have to turn my attention away from small people.

Add that to an inquisitive child with a VERY strong personality and you come up with an enemy to one's ideas of how a day should go.

I'm keeping her close, even if that means there's feet on my work tops.

(no, you're not having a deja vu moment. The week I'm highlighting was a couple of months ago)

"Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am.
Bigger and stronger too.
Maybe, but none of them will ever love you the way I do
It's me and you..." -- Randy Newman

Is It Wrong...

...that I am enjoying your stories so much?

I feel so much better, thank you!!

Story Tellers Wanted

Please, I'm desperate.

Please give me your "Worst Houseguest" stories.
You see, I'm not sure if I am just expecting too much and I'd like to see what constitutes a bad guest in your mind.

I currently have a house guest. One that traveled thousands of miles to see me, and for that I was grateful. But this houseguest sits at the table while I serve her meals and on the sofa while I vacuum around her.

She is uninterested in seeing sites (having NEVER been to England before) unless they can be seen from the passenger seat of my car. England isn't constructed that way. Anything worth seeing must be walked up (or in) to.
So even though I purchased a membership to the English Heritage site (not cheap) so that I could take her to all of the places within 2 hours of our house, we will not be going to any of them.
Is that unreasonable? Should I use the gas and drag the kids to castles and priories an hour away just so that we can snap a quick picture of the outside and then drive back home?

Seriously, do you have any quirky or annoying family members-come-to-stay stories? Please? You can vent here, they don't read my blog.

A Modern Fairy Tale

Once upon a time,
there was a woman who ran away from home.

She didn't come back
until her kids were grown.







I'm gonna need a break after this Spring Break.

In Light of Recent Events...

I have some apologizing to do.


Dear Mrs. Chavez (not your real name because you had remarried, but I didn't know
what your name was changed to),

I am really sorry. Not only for breaking your son's heart more than once, but for breaking it once to date his brother who I soon tired of but then didn't want anyone else to have. Sorry.

Dear Mrs. Pat's Mom,

I'm sorry. Really, how was I to know that the boy I carried a torch for for so long would eventually reciprocate my feelings when I no longer had any for him?

Dear Mrs. A.,

Thank you for the warning! I married a wonderful man who doesn't drag me by my hair through parking lots when he's had something to drink.

Dear Rob's Mom,

I'm sorry, but your son was a psycho. HE'S the one that thought there were wedding bells in our future--I NEVER gave him any reason to believe that.

oh yes... there's more

Dear Mrs. B.,

I'm sorry. That ripping you heard was your son's heart, but what he never told you was how he convinced his best friend to keep me occupied one evening so that he wouldn't run into me when he took that trampy little thing out on a date (what was her name, Wednesday? Sunday?). When I found out, I thought it was only fair game to become crazy interested in the friend whose hands he placed me in.


Dear C's Mom,

I don't have to apologize to you, do I? I did the right thing and let him go, even though it crushed me. I hope it was the best thing and that he followed his dreams.

Dear Mrs. Hickham,

Really, truly, I am sorry. I had NO idea that he felt that way and if you think I was happy about losing such a good friend in the process you're wrong.

Dear Gary's Mom,

For crying out loud, he was my BOSS! I was polite and respectful, HE was the one who thought we had a chance.

Dear Hubby's Mom,

It must've been frightening watching this cradle robber swoop in on your precious little boy, but I think it's turned out pretty good, don't you? You got five grandkids out of the deal and we're on civil terms with one another, so you nearly got a daughter as well. Oh, and by the way, remember the very first words out of your mouth when he told you we were getting married?

I guess you got your answer--YES, I was apparently able to have children.

6 am

The phone shrilled me awake. I bolted from the bed to stop the ringing before it disturbed the bed guest that had joined me at 3 am (I am cursing the day I converted Miss Ky's crib to toddler bed).
On the other end was Son #1 in hysterics. Literally, hysterics. Through sounds that sounded like a cross of maniacal laughter and wailing I waited for the words, "I've shot myself" or "I cut myself". He couldn't complete a full word other than "Mom?!".

I kept calmly saying, "Take a breath, J1 I need you to calm down and tell me what's happened because you're scaring me" and he responded, "I....I....I...".

This is the life I lead with a child who won't get professional help.

Apparently young girlfriend hasn't been all she's been telling him (didn't we all know she was lying?).
The thing about youth, it makes you stupid and you do stupid things, like post photos all about the guy you're seeing behind another guy's back for the last two months.

I asked, "She wasn't smart enough to block you from MyFarce?"
"She did, but she didn't block the band's account" (clever boy).

So it's a toss up. Fly to the states to kick her useless little hind end myself or hire a hit man. I don't know any hit men, but I'm figuring with today's economy, there are plenty of people wanting a little cash. Ok, for the sake of the one fool that thinks I might be dangerous to a teenage girl, we all know I wouldn't really do this right?

Mothers, "train up your (daughters) in the way she should (be honest)". Please teach them that the words, "You deserve someone better than me" aren't always the best words to extricate oneself from a relationship one has lost interest in.

Young dating-aged woman, young men are like puppies. If you stroke their egos and show them affection occasionally, they will follow you anywhere. They are blind to your cruelness and will eagerly accept your apologies after neglect. You'd never kick a puppy in the face, so don't do it to a young man either.

I'll get off my soap box now. That's what I do on three hours of sleep, I preach. I tell everyone how to rear their children and ramble on a blog that has somehow attracted spammers from China (go away useless scum)(readers from China are always welcome, spam not so much so).
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to try to nap before I have to pick up Things 2-4 from their football camp so that I can feed them and drag them all to Thing 2's football training. I live the enviable life.

Responsibilities Of A Mother

When a woman begins her role as Mother, there are certain things expected of her.

She will nurture her children.

She will feed, clothe and care for them.

She'll nurse them when they're unwell and hold them when they're sad.

It is her responsibility to teach them and guide them in ways that will
help them become productive contributing adults.

She should direct them in good decision making.

I...


well,

I feed my children.

12C (approx. 54F) outside temp.

Those are my kids.
In the unheated pool.




Miss Ky is the only one dressed appropriately.

Oh, I had a coat on as well, so I wouldn't get cold while taking pictures.

It's Spring Break! All rationality goes out the window on Spring Break. What are you doing to squash the "I'm bored!" cries?


P/S Number one son is, at the very moment of this posting, driving to be with his Grandpa! Thank you for your prayers!! Happy Easter.

Hi Rob, Welcome to My World

You never know when Rob Patz might be surfing the Internet and may even be googling the words "hostage", "gutter" and "women who live on the same island as me".
I've been worried that he might come by and see all I can write about is a currently heartbroken son (who is avoiding me because I called him too many times, but worse has given me nothing to report on-- as in decisions being made).

So just in case he's here (RPatz, not the son-- keep up, will you?):

Rob, I'm actually very funny and I tell these wonderful stories about

lack of sleep...

farting...

football...oh dear...

moving house...

ceramic cows...

poop/nappies/children/vomit/head wounds (sigh)

um yeah.

You might just want to move along now...
nothing to see here vampire man.

Thank You

Thank you everyone for your kind words, encouragement and concern. I'm sorry if I haven't replied personally, but I'm still getting all of these other kids to their functions as well as frying my brain with a phone up against my head for hours at a time.

I don't have a lot to report other than it has been a really long 36 hours and I've managed to make him angry with me (and that's ok!). At one point yesterday he said "Everyone's calling and texting and I wished they'd just leave me alone".

Sometimes with J1 he needs that good, movie-type slap across the face and I gave it to him verbally: "You can NOT send out emails and phone calls threatening suicide and NOT expect us to try to intervene. You cried for help and that's what we're doing."

There were moments when I felt relief yesterday. Like when my Mom called and said she had talked him into heading to NV to stay with them for a while, but when I called him, he said that "was only in her mind", he wasn't going there.

Other moments I was angry and frustrated like when I told him he WOULD call the base (to see a "Life Skills" doctor that we provided him with the direct numbers for) and he said, "I will in a while". (I later received a text message that he played a video game and then went to sleep, therefore missing the opportunity to call them before they closed for the weekend). (!!!)

This isn't a one-time event. He hits these lows. There was one time when I was awakened by a very loud noise and I laid petrified in my bed. My only thoughts were, "He finally did it" and I didn't want to go into his room out of fear of what I would find.


You probably wonder why we never sought help for him.

We did when he was younger and he was diagnosed to have "mild depression and dislocation disorder", something attributed to our having moved 6 times in 2 years (military) and they said it would go away in 6 months. The rest of the time I chalked his severe mood swings up to teenage hormones and just really rough life experiences he was dealing with.

I can see now, that wasn't the case.

So now, we push for him to go in and be seen. We provide the phone numbers, the moral support and lose sleep. It wouldn't be any different if we were there-- he'd ignore us in person the same as he ignores our advise on the phone.


Thanks for your suggestions, your prayers and your hugs.
I won't be putting the five of us on a plane just yet, but appreciate the offers for help with the kids--especially the emails from people who understand how a military family living overseas doesn't really have the resources for leaving the other children behind. Your thoughtfulness lifted me!
I hope to thank each of you personally but it may take a while, I'm sitting on the phone with a sad, stubborn young man.

and because I can't remember how to remove an inappropriate closing signature,

Reasons Bloggers Go into Hiding

Do you remember last year when I moaned about a girlfriend my son was involved with? Do you remember how I was attacked for voicing my opinion and concerns about this girl and her parents? Well, I think I lost that anonymous reader (after they stuck their barbed words into my self doubts), but I wish he or she were here now.

I would tell Anonymous: That girl that I thought wasn't good for my son? The girl that I stated plainly was nice enough, my fears were about the relationship and how unhealthy it was? That girl has decided (again) that my son "is too good" for her and "deserves someone better" (all translated to: I'm young and fickle and have found someone else and I want to manipulate you as you've been manipulating me for these past couple of years).

You said, "...another slam at the girlfriend that's not good enough for your son! What if your son reads this post? What if the girl does? Do you even care? You seem very hateful."

Yep, hateful like a mother can be when she's afraid her emotionally imbalanced son is on the verge of suicide and she's 5000 miles away.

I was awakened by the phone at midnight and sat with him for over an hour as he talked about how he had no reason to keep moving forward. I encouraged him to get some medical help right away. He reassured me that he was going to sleep first and would do that first thing in the morning. At 7am, my email inbox had a message that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
He's alone. He's suicidal and I can't do a thing about it from here.

Ask me again how I feel about this girl. Just to avoid misunderstandings again-- the girl may be fine, the girl + my son is not. My son + any girl when he's struggling with depression is a bad mix, but a young girl living out Romeo and Juliet fantasies is extremely dangerous.

I'm 5000 miles away. What do I do?