Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ho, Ho, Ho...yeah, whatever

This unhappy looking child is making a statement. 


 He's not unhappy about the new Norwich kit Santa brought him or the new scooter (also from the Man Himself), he's unhappy because I am taking pictures.

Grumpy-face: "Why do I always have to do this?"

DO WHAT? Ride around on Boxing Day without a care in the world while I snap a few photos for your stinking scrapbook????

Yes, I did refrain. This is only a quote from my mind that seems to have developed a mouth-censorship (thank Heavens)

Grumpy-face: "Why do I always have to have my picture taken?"

Well, that's the catch right there, pal. You DON'T always have to have your picture taken. IF I was ALWAYS snapping photos, I'd be able to put them on my blog. Lovely Christmas photos of your sister vomiting, your big brother vomiting, your other big brother just staying on the toilet since it was easier, your Momma lying on her bed texting the word "help" to the few that hadn't been hit by the flu downstairs playing the Wii and
WOW,
there'd be loads of photos of the house slowly being taken over by laundry and dishes. I might have even caught a few action shots of the mysterious elves who BROKE our Christmas tree while the momma laid in bed with a bucket in her arms.

Oh yes! How about the photos of YOUR head hung in the toilet on Christmas Eve? Yeah, that would have been cause for declaring that you, "always have to have" your picture taken.

Censored Me: "You'll thank me when you're older and have these nice pictures to look at."

Grumpy-face: "Thank you",  he mumbles unenthusiastically. 



.

Monday, December 13, 2010

In the Air Tonight:

There's a special someone flying overhead. Hohoho!

No, not  him.

Look up and wave to my boy as he flies over your house please.

He's on his way to spend Christmas with us before he enters basic training in the Spring (who knew there was such a demand for basic training that one would have to wait in line for a space?). Dad's not deployed, there are no new babies, and we're not moving to a new house. I expect this to be a wonderfully calm visit.

After he lands and is tucked into a nice warm bed, THEN the "winter of the century" can move in--with my blessing.


For your viewing pleasure, I'll leave you with some more great British advertising:




Now, feel free to get back to your baking and wrapping and the mental insanity of it all. Don't you just love the wind up to Christmas?


Thursday, December 9, 2010

A note to read at bedtime

Dear Self,

Tonight, as you lie in your freezing cold bed, reflecting on the day: the kisses that weren't given, hugs that weren't distributed or conversations that weren't finished, guilt will set in.

You will consider how few days you have left with little ones at home and how little of your attention you gave them on this one day. You will be plagued with images from Family Fun and Parent magazines; of all of the great pre-Christmas activities you did NOT do today with the children. You will consider the books not read, the games not played and try to remember whether or not you even fed them.

This note is to tell you to stop!

This is a reminder of why those things weren't done:

The child who is "sick" still has enough energy to run an entire circus act by himself. He pulled out markers, crayons, asked for paper, asked for more paper, told you he was hungry, begged to go outside to play cricket (which like a good Mom you said "No", because he is, after all, sick).

Your daughter is a cyclone alone, but today she had an accomplice. She pulled out puzzles, the Little People barn and farm animals, raced her shopping cart through the house, sold you some pretend ice cream-- £3.oo a scoop-- needed scissors to cut out the tiny spiders she drew on some scrap paper.

As you searched for the kiddie scissors, you suggested she check the Arts & Crafts box in the other room. Big mistake. You then spent 30 minutes trying to get that room tidied back up since she apparently dug through every storage compartment.
You never even made it up to her room today to see what happened in there after she did four clothes-changes.

"Sick" boy wanted a round of "Football" (foosball). With the family champion (who is highly competitive--yes, even with a 7 year-old).  The second game was much closer after you realized it was just as much fun scoring own goals.

They needed to eat a balanced lunch.

You set up a special table for them to eat at. They giggled and threw inedible objects in each other's soup. You then cleaned up the mess and put the little dining area away while the "sick" son declared his boredom and begged to go outside to play cricket (which you of course said, "No" to because he is, after all, sick).

As you baked the treats that are to go with one of the other kids' activity tonight, the two little ones wanted a movie. They didn't like the first one (Frosty) and you had to put in a new one (Rudolf) which was abandoned in less than 15 minutes.
Then they decided they wanted to do Jillian Michael's 30-day shred. Figuring someone should be getting some use out of it, you agreed.
They had to have the weights.
While you got Jillian and the hand weights out of your bedroom, you thanked God for a husband that made the bed this morning-- it had been niggling at you all day as one more thing you'd never get to today.

You put some laundry away-- or tried. The pile made it to the bottom of the stairs where you discovered the mountain of puzzle pieces on the bathroom floor.  Your thoughts at that time were, "Awww, forget it" as you headed to the shower. At 2pm.

While in the shower, "sick" son came in. Of course. You haven't had an uninterrupted shower since 1994. 
He wanted to know if he could go outside to play cricket.

As you filled your lungs to belt out the resounding "NO. YOU CAN NOT GO OUTSIDE, YOU ARE SICK" line, something caught your eye--through the tempered glass... sunshine? The sun is shining?

After a detailed description of what he needed to be wearing (similar to Ralphie's brother's going-out-in-the-snow outfit), you told him he could go outside. Sick child was finally free.

The daughter had to go out too. It required another clothes change.

Ten minutes, back in they came. They needed keys for the garage. They were going to play baseball instead.

The sun left. It does that at 3.30.

You still hadn't combed your hair and only had half of your make up on and technically, the day was already over.

2 more kids related to you popped into the house. They wore the smell of the outside world on their clothes. Their cheeks were flushed with freedom. They with were famished from being out in the fresh air with friends. They began trying to sneak the treats finally finished for tonight before even dropping off their backpacks.

So, you started dinner early.

One child was already holding a yogurt. Other children complained. All ate yogurts. It's easier that way.

The table was set.
The dishwasher was unloaded.
The dinner was put on the table, accompanied by a silly game of, "For Christmas dinner I had..." that ranged from ham and turkey to "edible grass".

You did not cut intricate snowflakes with your children today.
You didn't hug and kiss them for hours on end. You never sang carols or read stories about cookie-eating mice. You didn't put on any puppet shows with sock puppets made from the laundry basket or make homemade ice cream sandwiches, because...

THERE AREN'T ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY, that's why.

Now go to sleep and try to do better tomorrow.

P/S You did feed them.
P/SS Try to remember that one day you will look back and laugh at how Miss Ky thought your brand new book of postage stamps was stickers...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

For Your Own Good

My little blossom,
sweet, sweet flower...













Will you ever trust me,
when I am telling you something for your own good?



I have been around long enough
  to see the signs-
      the warnings,
my purpose here is to counsel...






Can't you trust me to guide, protect
and love you?



No... you are young,

   reckLeSs,

       naive...

you consider yourself 

indestructable.

















 Others around you heeded the warnings...


Others listened...



I hate watching you suffer because of bad choices



 Next year,
              when a freaky warm spell sweeps through,


will you trust me...



when I ask you to NOT BUD in NOVEMBER?


Seriously, this happens every year. Will you ever learn?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

A Cold, Hard Look At Myself

If news stories of our bitter freeze over here in the U.K. are reaching the U.S., believe them, they are not exaggerating.
If there are reports of YETI being seen in Norfolk,
don't lose sleep, it's just me.

I refuse to shave my legs while shivering.

You would think that a country as old as England could come up with a better way to heat houses than oil-fueled radiators. Maybe it's "greener", I don't know or care. I personally would like to leave a footprint when I'm gone-- one's got to be remembered for something, right?
As it is, I am burning more oil than the fires of the Gulf War.

The husband hasn't remarked on the legs yet. I don't think he's had much of an opportunity with me bundled in flannel and a talking min-beast between us 8 out of 7 nights (yes, that often).

There's an incredible freedom to be being furry and I feel I am helping to enforce the belief in my daughter that there is more to a person than cosmetics...

And then she brings me this:



 "It's You." She says.


I wonder if there are any gritters on the roads. I may need to make a quick run to Tesco for depilatories.

The LDS Living website is emailing me daily with  "12 Days of Christmas" tips.

Day One was "Get Organized"... Days Two, Three and Four are now lost on me because I'm getting organized. This isn't as fun or as helpful as I expected.

How are you doing with your plans?

Friday, December 3, 2010

We're all Winners

I'm proud to have been part of Go USA bid.

I'm not proud that it reduced me to being the woman standing next to the salad section of a grocery store hanging onto a mobile phone signal with desperation while waiting for the winners of the World Cup to be read out by her sick son who should have been in bed resting-- not standing next to ESPN.

diagram THAT sentence Mrs. Hutton.

Yesterday I truly wished for a meteor to land on my car. I had about 5 hours too many with a child who talks non-stop. I actually begged her to give her voice a rest...

"The Mums on the bus go 'chittah chattah chittah chattah'... "
"Mummy, it snowed even more on the hard floors outside"
"Why are you driving slow?" "Why are we stopping?" "Where are the brothers?"

THEN

She ended up in my bed where she moaned, cried and talked in her sleep.

NASA says there are waaay more stars and galaxies out there than they first believed...
and not one meteor could find it's way to me.

Well today is another day. A chance to get it right with the sick boy who had to be neglected, with the Energizer Chatter Box, with the military postal service who just MAY have my DVD today...

Today is also the day when I can announce the winner of the A Walk in My Shoes DVD/CD bundle:


Congratulations!!



From a distant room in the house is someone singing. 3 Guesses who has already started her day...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Bad Influence

I keep my children home when they say "cough cough, my tummy hurts". I'm a sucker for a kid who wants to be home on a snowy school day. Actually, I buy it more if said kid is the one who gets up at dawn and is completely ready to leave 45 minutes before he has to AND will be missing out on the Rugby practice that he lives for. how many times in one paragraph can I end a sentence with a preposition?


So, being the awesome example of the mom that I am, Of course I am tending to his needs and am not blogging or reading blogs today (cough). IF I had been out, I might have read an awesome holiday post over at Cheeseboy's place that I would have probably highly recommended...
and included a link to get you there quickly....

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Walk In My Shoes

It's that time again when things get "busy, busy, busy" (please say it like the magician from "Frosty the Snowman") and I begin to neglect my blog (begin?).
Because I am NOT above paying people to stick around despite my temporary absence, I have a gift...


Remember when there was a "family hour" on T.V.? 

You know, the safe time when kids could be in the room while the tube was on?
One didn't have to worry about language, inappropriate viewing or commercials of girls obscenely washing their hair.
Some of you may not remember good, clean shows. Sad. I do and I miss it.
I really miss how families used to be able to gather around on the weekend to watch a family show (without Dad holding the remote readied for a quick change when things get seedy).

This is why I was more than happy to review Walmart and P&G's new made-for-TV movie, "A Walk in My Shoes". They are heralding that, "family movie night is back". Hallelujah. It's about time.

I have a confession. Thanks to my ever-dependable military postal system, my viewing kit still hasn't arrived.  Chances are good that you will see it before I do, but I have seen trailers and I'm SO ready.



 Do yourself a favor, set your TIVO or whatever it is you're using for "family movie night" on December 3rd.
PLEASE show Hollyweird that we're ready for more entertainment geared for families. If you Tweet, FB or blog a tune-in message about this,
leave me a comment telling me how you spread the word and you will be entered to win this "A Walk in My Shoes" CD/DVD bundle for your very own!
oooooh, aaaaaaaah....

Winner will be announced on December 3rd.  THAT's a pretty nice gift for getting a few days reprieve from unnecessary eye strain, don't you think?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Technologically-Challenged Need Not Apply

I give up. I'm exposing myself for the technologically inept person I am.
HOW the heck do I get the Link within widget to work?
Please don't tell me to contact them, they don't care.
I have googled solutions and nearly crashed my entire blog.
What am I doing wrong?
Teach me.
I'm humble, I'll listen.


Oh. And it's snowing here. loads. I'm happy about it.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ch ch ch changes

This year we're having a kid tree. 

Boooo to me, trying to impress people with House Beautiful-worthy trees and color-coordinated decorations. We're changing. This year it's just kids enjoying Christmas--the way it should be when they're young. I don't know how I became so un-fun, but hopefully I can make up for it.

The girl is wide-eyed and enjoying all of our moving ornaments for the first time. Her dad is changing our UK lights to accommodate our US Darth Vader, skating Pooh and Brenda Lee singing "Rockin' Around, the Christmas Tree..." it's magical.

 You can predict what she will say, this little princess of ours...






"I want to be a boy"

(what, you didn't see that coming?)

Dad: "Oh, I don't want you to be a boy, you make such a pretty little girl"

"I'm stuffed being a girl"
(stuffed?)

"Everything gets in my eyes"


Dad: "Oh, are we going to have to cut your hair off?"


"Yes. I will be bald like a fish".

Ahhh, the sounds of the holidays...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Dear Hubby,

I know you said our finances were tight.

I understand how our Cost of Living allowance has plummeted even though the cost of things on the UK market hasn't changed, and that the plane ticket to bring Number One Son home for Christmas before he enters Basic Training was pricey.

I get that.

I also know that inviting 12 additional people to Thanksgiving might have increased our grocery bill a teeny bit and so you were right to reign in my spending habits...




but I miss Stefan and Damon (not so much Elana). Last I saw, Damon really needed a hug...
(certainly not my photo and can't find info for photo credit)

I miss Alicia and I don't know if she chose Will or Peter and I don't know how much longer
the UK will make me wait to find out.

CBS Photos

I really miss my friends, McDreamy and McSteamy...

I miss my night time friends that allow me to sit in my jammies while they do all of the talking. They never ask anything of me-- they don't demand meals without cheese, without sauce, without eggs, without yucky things. They never leave me their laundry or expect me to drop everything when their schedule changes. They never require my attendance at training or organizational meetings. Not once has any of them dumped a boat load of responsibilities on me while they went off to visit family or attend parties. They are good friends. I miss them. I'm sure I mentioned that Damon needs me.

So,
if you could kindly disregard that list I subtly emailed you back in August, I think an iTunes Gift card would be a better Christmas gift.

Thank you.

Respectfully Yours,

Your Wife. The one watching QI re-runs (which happened to be very good the first few viewings, but I am answering the questions before they do now).

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Confessions...

... yours not mine. I've told enough out here.

I think teaching on Sunday may be bad for my marriage and role as mother. 
Today's lesson was about "Participating in the Cultural Arts".
It only succeeded in convincing me that I live with a bunch of Neanderthals, lead by the king of uninterested-in-all-things-artsy, Sir Sexy Guy.

 As I was making Lasagna (when truthfully I should be in bed suffocating in a Vick's body wrap), they all played Fifa and grunted when they couldn't get their "player transfers" approved.
I lectured suggested to them some parts of my lesson: "...what are ways in which (you) can seek to enrich (your) lives with the cultural arts and prepare to enrich the lives of (your) children and others?

• Go to the library and select a classic work of literature to read alone or with a friend.
• Read aloud with your family.
• Read a favorite poem or share a piece of music with your family and tell why you like it.
• Write a poem yourself or lyrics for a piece of music.
• Write a dramatization of a scriptural story for your class or family.
• Look through your music and books and eliminate those that are not uplifting.
• Begin or add to your collection of quality music or books.
• Frame some beautiful artwork for your room.
• Try sketching, lettering, drawing, or some other form of art.
• Study a play, piece of music, or opera before attending a performance.
• Be selective about television viewing and watch for educational and cultural programs."  
*taken from lesson 45 of the YW Manual.

They looked at me as if I was speaking Latin-- which of course would be unappealing to them as it doesn't have penalties or free kicks involved.

Eternity is looking like a very long time right now, so I need some convincing. Confessions.
Do you and your spouse have a lot in common? Or are you alone in your interests/culture/education?

Is this just a midlife crises, this desire to have someone who knows that Monet and Manet are two different beings and not just a mispelling?


Edouard Manet "Un Bar Aux Folies Bergeres"

Look at her face... do you think she's pondering the same questions? 
 
Is it possible this disheartening feeling is curable with more Nyquil and some sleep?
 





Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ornament Exchange and Great British Advertising

I crashed found a new blog doing an ornament exchange. 
Great thing is, The Mrs. was gracious enough to welcome me and my obnoxious way of 
inviting myself everywhere. 
If you're like me and can't wait to mail or receive goodies, 
the deadline to sign up is November 20th-- get on over there now if you want to play!! 
(click on the ornaments to go to her blog, "Trying Our Best")

And obviously I am not the only person who enjoys this advert-- they're re releasing it as a single now.
Making Farming Sexy

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bits and Bobs

We were sitting semi-reverently in church on Sunday.
Miss Ky was properly positioned on the lap of the man she adopted as "Grandad" four years ago.
She proceeded to pull things out of her pockets that she had drawn while in her primary class.
"Wow Ky, that's really terrific, did you draw that?" I whisper.
She nods yes to me.
I don't want to be one of those Mom's that speaks zombie-like and generically to her child, so to show I was really interested in her drawing, I pointed to the face and said, "You are very talented, just look how good those eyes are".
"Yes", she proudly answers, "And I drawed the girly bits as well."



A Swan.
I am like a swan gliding effortlessly on the water in my response.

I calmly begin folding the drawing and whisper that we'll talk more about it after church but my mind, paddling frantically against the possibilities wonders: Did Grandad just hear her? Did she proudly point out the "girly bits" to her Primary teacher? WHO ON EARTH HAS BEEN TEACHING HER THIS ??
I lean out to look further down our row at a very mischievous 7 year old...


All I know is Miss Ky will NOT be designing our Christmas cards this year

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Shiny Happy Grateful People

All of you people who are posting all of the things you are grateful for...

who are you?

Really?

30 days of being grateful?

Ok, I'm joking. I have LOADS of things to be grateful for-- so many that I will skip the obvious/cliche ones.

  1. I am grateful for not being thrown up on this month (Hubby can't say that).
  2. I am super grateful that I have internet to shop for the things that the base only felt the need to stock two of.
  3. I am again grateful for the internet that allowed me to see reviews on the dysfunctional Disney bath dolls that I would have bought willy-nilly if there had been one to buy at the BX.
  4. I am grateful for spam that leads to free products for me-- just for flappin' my lips about their product. Who Hoot! Bring on the chocolate reviews!
  5. I am grateful Toys R' Us didn't feel the need to contact me for a review because, who needs more toys in the house? (Did that come across as bitter?)
  6. Boy howdy am I grateful for my kettle. You people in the U.S., I don't know if you have these yet, but water kettles over here bring cold agua to a rapid boil in seconds. Makes my life SO much easier!
  7. I am eternally grateful for toilet paper. We could be using leaves and this time of year that's not so appealing. Crunch.
  8. I'm still thankful for being sick a few weeks ago even if I didn't lose weight...long story why I would be grateful and now you can be thankful I'm not telling it.
  9. SO grateful that I was able to hand the phone over to the Hubby so HE could try to talk some sense into the #1 Son who is giving up on his dream (Special Ops) job and settling for an AF career as "Bomb-take-apart-er" (that may not be the official title).
  10. Grateful for tranquilizers which I plan to exist on when the kid signs the contract to dispose of bombs for the next 6 years.
  11. Cliche, I know. Top of everybody's list, yes, but still have to say I am SO FLIPPING THANKFUL FOR PUMPKIN PIE and a holiday (or two) that allows me to make and eat as much of it as I want.
  12. I'm thankful for EGGNOG too as long as we're on the menu.
  13. SUPER duper grateful that no one in my family feels they need green bean casserole to have a successful T-day dinner.
  14. I am thankful for Jamie Oliver's storage containers that make me work for my salt water taffy, thereby reducing my consumption since I seem to break a nail every time I try to pop one open.
  15. I am eternally thankful for toilet cleaner "that cleans so (I) don't have to", thus allowing me more time to blog nonsense.
  16. This is a long thankful, but my most important one: I am grateful that when Son #1 was discouraged by his swimming time and decided to throw in the towel (see #9 and 10), I didn't lecture.   I only fretted for a minute and then prayed. I prayed that it would be His will whatever was going to be J's future.  I'm grateful that I really turned it over and didn't stress about it. It helped me more fully appreciate the phone call the very next day, "Hey, I have a job"--and it's in broadcasting. His recruiter had him audition several weeks ago and was just told that J was successful.
  17. I'm grateful for the moms and dads that have raised honorable sons and daughters willing to sacrifice their lives in service in the military for my rights and privileges. May you experience peace and comfort during this Veteran's Day away from your loved one.
  18. I'm grateful for Sexy Guy--for his dedication to serving his country and for all he does as a husband and a father. Especially for taking one for the team whenever there's a sick child. Thank you for saving my carpet time and time again, Hubby ;-)

Now, the rest of you, be grateful that I'm not really going to make you read 30 things...

Happy Veteran's Day weekend to you all.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010

Oh Chrissy You're So Fine...

Remember last year when I got nostalgic about my childhood and had to have (just fill in the blank)?

How about the crazed search I went on to find a Koo Koo Choo Choo that I wouldn't let the family play with for fear of breaking it since it's considered "antique" now?

not my photo...duh
 Or the year before when I spent one child's college fund on a doll's house?


Non-pirated photo

Well this year is the worse.

Not because of what I may have spent (not telling), but because I spent it and then hid the purchase. I have never hidden purchases before.

I am slipping down a very deceitful toy-slope my friends.



Shhhh, I'll show you.

Under my desk, in the dark corner...



See it there in the back?


Here, I'll pull it out a little.

Opening the box...





ooooh, ahhhh.







Smell that smell?  




That's the 70's my friends.









My mom heard my confession (I think I phoned her still in the shopping-drunken stupor of my paypal transaction).

 She's not telling Hubby and look!


She even mailed me the clothes that she sewed for the originals (can't get fabric like that just anywhere!).  


Is there a 12-Step program for toyaholics? 

What are YOU hiding these days?

seeing them standing in my scrapbook room like that suddenly gives the cherished dolls from my childhood a very creepy feel.

Get back in the box girls, Hubby's coming!




Addendum: I just did a search for "bought" on my blog and found some "interesting" blog posts... a lot of them. Apparently I talk a lot about "bought"ing, but when trying to remember what I just had to have last year, came up blank. Oh dear...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Your Momma's Gone Missing

In the event that your Momma has gone missing,

it's best to retrace your steps to see where she might have been mislaid.

Go back as far as your memory will take you-- Thursday night?

Let's see, you might have seen her come home from her big church event that had caused her a week of stress (and a snapped party tent from the high winds that threatened her plans).

You might remember her standing at Dad's car saying, "What is that burning smell?" followed by a forlorn look when she realized yet again, she would be without a car while his went back into the garage.

Wait, she was still accounted for Friday morning when she was called back to the school to fetch a little girl who was miserably constipated... and you might remember her (vaguely) at the Guy Fawkes Bonfire evening with friends. She was the one who sat in the bathroom the whole night with Miss Ky while you all ate BBQ'd burgers and set off fireworks.

No, Mom wasn't missing at 9.00pm when Miss Ky threw up and she hoisted up the white flag-- deciding to finally take her home...
and didn't Mom greet everyone else at 10.00 when they came laughing in the door?

Saturday?

Pretty sure she was still doing bathroom duty with Miss Ky and when everyone but Mom piled into a car to go see the Norwich game, she was still accounted for.

Maybe it was after the full day standing in the bitter cold wind and sporadic rain for a kids' football game and then suffering through a burned burger with greasy chips with the team (you know, the new thing they started to build social bonds between the kids)...

You might seem to remember her setting up a table to scrapbook on (a joke on it's own)-- conveniently placing a chair next to it. Convenient for you to swipe for Rock Band while she put your dinner in the oven.
Remember how she sneezed and coughed and blew her nose every five minutes while you sang, and drummed and laughed merrily away in the other room?

That seems to be when she went missing.

My advice is, when you find her, you better do the sucking up of your life because the woman knows how to use a credit card and flights are always leaving Heathrow...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Dear School Officials Who May Or May Not Be Preparing A Report For The Child Neglect Agency,

I do wash my children's clothes. Daily. Meaning ALL day every day.
Maybe my observation skills could be sharpened so that I catch the child who chose the muddy trousers over the lavendar-vanilla scented ones hanging in his wardrobe before we get in the car, but I only have two eyes and four children moving about so rapidly they appear more like eight Mexican jumping beans.
The third child's collection of school jumpers? Thank you for forcing him to finally bring them home. Unfortunately I found them after midnight, rolled into his swimming bag with all of his wet things...

I do bathe my children regularly.
I can't control what they do while I am asleep (for the three hours I am NOT doing laundry), nor can I stop them from playing musical bed during the night--possibly ending up with a sibling who drools. The Pop Rocks? I have NO idea how they got in the bed and do have a photo proving that her hair was washed prior to sleeping in them.

If you are unhappy with the way my children fall asleep in Math class, I welcome you to come look after them while I drive siblings to activities (which puts the entire clan to bed long after the pubs have closed). I assure you, I have gladly made the decision to cut non-priority items from our schedule. If you could just help me enforce that decision--beginning with asking my Hubby to try NOT cutting his finger off just before dinner. Driving to a hospital an hour away can really wreak havoc on sleeping schedules. And yes, Mr. Graceful is fine.

Also, kindly disregard any tall-tales you may have heard today of a mother beginning her child's day with: "What were you thinking?!" and "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry, but 30 years from now you will NOT EVEN REMEMBER THIS DAY, much less be angry at me for making you late", it's probably something they heard on the television.

By the way...why WOULD I apologize for driving one kid ALL THE WAY TO HIS SCHOOL (now making three others late) because he missed the bus when I insisted he SHOWER?

Lastly, the youngest child really didn't want me there for her special school tour and had repeatedly told me so. Out of respect for her growing independence, I thought it was best to leave her to it in your lovely little classroom with the sand box (and her friends) while I chatted with the other parents (who had obviously chosen to do the same thing).

So in case your first impression is that my children are unattended, tired, disheveled and dirty, I ask that you would look again. My children are fed, clean and relatively unbeaten which is better care than I'm getting-- have you ever had a four year-old kick you in the kidneys while you were trying to sleep (in between loads of laundry)?

You are welcome to come to our home at any time to observe their care. They are available for your supervision any day ending with "y".

Kindest Regards,

The wild beasts' Mum.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Ma'am, I'm Afraid I Have Some Terrible News...

* I am happy to report...

that for the first year since I began blogging, I will not be participating in this year's NaBloPoMo (posting every day in November), which means your reader won't be bogged down with senseless drivel about the latest shoes I've found.




You are very welcome.

But to kick off November, here's a post written like I think...



 * "Ma'am, I'm Afraid I Have Some Terrible News... "
I can't imagine anything worse...

wait I can--
I often contemplate the "which child would I save?" scenario... 
but I digress, already, in the opening sentence.

Sundays kill me. Mentally and physically. I often want to come home, feed everyone and then tuck into a cozy bed for an hour (or eight).  A couple of Sundays back, I did it. I took two children and "The Gruffalo" movie with me, even though it was crazy-sunny outside for the first time in days.

I fell asleep instantly, but it was fitful. My brain wouldn't slow down and in my semi-consciousness, I seemed to be struggling to remember what day it was and where I was supposed to be that evening.

I was awakened by the door bell.

Why are doorbells always so shrill and frightening?

Knowing I probably had a crumpled-sheets print on my face, I chose to look out the window first.

There, parked behind my car was a police vehicle
and there at my front door,
stood a policeman.

When our friend Dave was killed on his motorcycle, his wife was at a school meeting and so their 16 year-old daughter opened the door to the policemen. One stayed with her while others were dispatched to the school to tell his wife, D.

I looked back at my bed... only one child and the house is eerily quiet.

I looked again at the policeman standing outside at my unanswered door.
Where did my family go? Were they driving? Were they killed? ALL of them?! Did they walk somewhere on these treacherous, England back-country roads?

Are any of them still alive?

The door opened.
I could see my husband's long and very alive legs. That's when my brain finally kicked in... the uniformed police was Ian. Our friend.
His wife T (with the gorgeous blue eyes) had sent him over with a party invitation.




He's been told to never wear his uniform over here again--I don't care how sexy he looks in it.

*My family is playing Beatles Rock Band.

Miss Ky is always insistent on being the lead singer.  
A d a m a n t  about having the microphone.  
Diva.  
Did anyone else suddenly get a craving to put on some Adam Ant music?

*Something else this strong-willed child is determined about:  
sugar.

We went to London and had a picnic lunch with some other families. Someone brought chocolate biscuits (cookies) which Miss Ky wanted to hoard for her very own. We ordered her to put several of the packages back.

10 minutes out of the car park, an announcement was heralded from the back seat by Son #2,

"May Day! May Day! Clean up on aisle three!!!"

We turned back to see Miss Ky with a single coating of chocolate on all exposed skin parts.

HOW does this happen?
The little beast smuggled biscuits, that's how.


*The Hubby is singing the Beatles Birthday Song. It's frightening. Something between Michael Stipes and The B52s... not in a good way, since I happen to like REM and The B-52s.

*Tomorrow begins another week of packing lunches; running insanely through our over-scheduled routine; mountains of muddy football laundry; church training meetings, school activities...
did I mention laundry? Yay.



Yes, I would miss it all 
if I suddenly had the police at my door.

The lavender leotard is because someone fancies herself the "Princess and the Pea"- sensitive against all things itchy.
I am perfectly aware it does not match.

Hope you all had a happy Halloween, from our chaos to yours!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Great British Advertising-Specsavers

Pearls of Wisdom or Not

  • When the leg & body hair removal cream says "Not for faces", they mean it. The good side is, when the blistering goes away, I may have the lovely skin only acquired after an expensive chemical peel. In the meantime, my Halloween scary face is set.

  • After spending a week in bed horribly ill, it is a bad idea to attempt to move heavy furniture no matter how much it's placement has bothered one during one's confinement. The good side is, a couple more days in bed will usually help the muscle spasms in one's back.

  • A week plus in bed can help one take stock of their blessings.   Mine are: I own enough BBC and ITV Jane Austen films to get me through such a time; my 12 year-old can cook basics like mac and cheese and frozen pizza to throw at his unsupervised siblings home on school holiday; iphone (insert Heavenly Choir here) to check email and send txt messages to the kids like, "It's getting a little wild down there", "Go outside, the sun is shining!" and "Could you please bring me another water bottle?"; I happen to like broth and water--great blessing.

My first foray back into the world was yesterday-- to run a Harvest Festival at our church. A Harvest Festival that had been calendared the previous year by the Activity Committee that was no longer, so it was passed on to "the youth" which loosely translates, "to the youth leaders" which, if broken down further, means "the youth leaders that are women who won't shirk their responsibilities" of which there are two, myself and my counselor.

Being one of the few key holders, I had the honor of opening the building, getting the heat going and setting up. The other youth leaders showed at the start time of the event.

One of the highlights was a Chili Cook-off.

In New Mexico when you have a chili cook-off, you kind of know what to expect. Deep red-brown, meaty chili with or without beans. "Hot" means sweat drips down into your ears while you eat it.
Here, chili could be spaghetti bolognese or a fish-based sauce with wheat. 
If there's green chili added to the base, it should be labeled as "hot".

While passing out cornbread (that's a whole other post, but believe me, explaining one-by-one to over fifty people that "it is NOT cake and yes, should be eaten with chili" gets old really quick), my daughter tugs on my pants leg and looks up at me to say, "I threw up". I believed her, her breath wreaked of it.

Being one of the few key holders, I stayed for another hour and forty-five minutes longer and was the last to clean up and lock the building while my daughter sat in the car with a bucket--after being in bed myself for 10 days. I'm about to throw my exclusive church key at a few of our leaders...


when my face has healed.

Happy Halloween!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

F.O.U.R.

"Anything I've done up till May 27th 1999 was kind of an illusion, existing without living. My daughter, the birth of my daughter, gave me life." ---Johnny Depp





I get it. 






Happy Birthday my sweet, funny little girl.



Thursday, October 7, 2010

Thank You

Thanks everyone for your kind comments, prayers and good thoughts (sent in my general direction).

I just received a call and my dad is out of surgery. He's doing well and they feel the cancer was contained to the prostate, so they are very optimistic.
This moment of profound relief just took me back to another phone call I got about the time I started blogging, so in my continued 'absence', I'll leave you with that post.

Again,
Thank you!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

saturday in my part of the world

Today began with a phone call at 3:05 am.

It wasn't one of those dreaded calls where your life changes forever, it was the welcomed call.
My step-dad just arrived home after a four hour drive from the city where he had emergency surgery. He had suffered a heart attack while in the hospital for observation and was flown to Salt Lake City. I can't even begin to tell you what a nightmare this week was.


30 years ago, my mother came home alone from a bowling tournament that my (biological) dad was competing in. She told me later that he had just bowled and when he turned around, he had the funniest (not as in "ha ha funny") look on his face and she knew something was wrong. He sat down beside her and she began to take his pulse. She said that she knew something wasn't right so she called an ambulance.
He was angry with her for doing so, and refused to get on the gurney.
He made it to the door of the bowling alley when he collapsed.
My dad died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital from a massive heart attack. He was 47. I was an adolescent.

So here we are 30-some years later and my step-father (who has been my father on this planet longer than my bio dad was able to be) returned home with my mom.

It's amazing how quick a mind that can't keep track of soccer schedules (or parent conferences) can remember in vivid detail how the room looked when awakened to be told my father wasn't coming home. I am sure in thirty more years I will remember the relief I felt today when my 'other' Dad called to say, "Are you sure you want to be called in the middle of the night just to hear I'm home?"

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

You Were Saying?

My mother always said, "If you can't say anything funny, don't say anything at all..."

I've tried not to bore anyone with all of my seriousness, but not writing for me is the equivalent of closing myself in a closet until I feel better.

My dad will have his prostate removed in the morning. My mother is 76 and last time he had surgery, she needed medical attention because she forgot to take care of herself. She's alone and I can't get there.

My friend and her tumor has been moved to specialists. She will see the thyroid specialist today.

Number One Son HAS enlisted-- managed to get all of the paper work sorted finally-- and took his Oath of Enlistment last week. He now has to complete his PAST test to qualify for the job he wants and I can't stand that his Dad isn't there to help him prepare.

He postponed his test (due today) because he wasn't making the numbers. The information he sent me:

Event              My Number        Required Minimum for _________
(without stopping)

200m swim.    pff.. how far is 200m, anyway?     no limit.
(30 min rest)
1.5 mile run                 12:13.86                         11:30.00
(10 min rest)
Push-ups in 2 mins        37                                           42
(2 min rest)
Chin-ups in 2 minutes      8                                            6
(2 min rest)
Sit-ups in 2 minutes       44                                          50


Hubby spent an hour on the phone coaching him in the most efficient ways to complete each task.


The other kids are getting to their activities and meeting obligations (barely) with a very distracted mother. I know that I have a glassy-eyed look and am responding semi-coherently in conversations, but they are clean, fed and have not been sent to school nekked yet.

The other day, on our 45 minute drive to the base, Miss Ky was chattering a mile-a-minute. I thought my head would explode. I started wishing that my head would explode.
I thought back to Son #3 and how easy it was to travel with him. He wasn't interested in conversing no matter how hard I tried. I realized now he's a lot like me. He likes quiet to think and ponder.
And as I was pondering that,

Ky bursts out with:
"I'm so happy Jesus made me, because we're (she and I) are BEST friends! I love you Mommy."



Me too sweetie, me too. Despite how my actions may argue otherwise.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Which Way Did sHe Go?

Sorry, the author of this blog has gone AWOL. Please enjoy this station identification while we try to locate the lazy sod.

 

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Sitting in the doorways...

Wow. That was some experience.
On an almost nightly basis, 

we have a little man come creeping into our room, 
where I (the super light sleeper) will lift the blanket and wrap it around him as he climbs in.

Last night, after singing several horrendous rounds on Wii Karaoke American Idol, I was sleeping like a brick (nothing like thirty minutes of tearful, hard laughter to help you sleep).











                                                                                                                                  Me before 1 am

Along comes the heaviest, nosiest child I have ever experienced. 
He stomps up the stairs, jumps up and down beside my bed and begins shaking it.

Alright, I know I was sleeping soundly for a couple of reasons:


1.  My bed is a sturdy African Cherry Wood bed that stands high enough that with even my tall 9-year old, the mattress hits him about mid chest-- pretty hard to move the thing around.


2. I also can't imagine how any stomping could sound like a freight train.

But, still fuzzy headed from the sound sleep, I lifted the blanket for that noisy sleep-disruptor, but he didn't get in. In fact, there was no one there. 

That's when my husband and I sat up simultaneously and said, "What the cARp was that?!"

We came downstairs to look around, still trying to determine: Was there a mangled plane crashed somewhere in our garden? Was our house side-swiped by a juggernaut? [All Things British moment: this is what we would call an 18-wheeler. It's a large lorry, or truck]

As I'm tossing these ideas around in my head, I knew it was probably an earthquake and was typing in the address for the U.K. Seismology department. 

Couldn't get through. 
(funny thing about that, the morning news stations keep quoting the U.S.G.S. Dept. I know where to go next time). (next time?!)

My high-strung husband (not) then says, "I'm going back to bed".

"What?! What about the after shocks? What about the kids?".

I blogged (of course) and then sat in front of the telly listening to callers sharing their experiences.


Hats off to you in the western states. I would move. Some people find this stuff exciting. I find it thrilling much in the same way participating in a 36-car pile-up on the freeway would be.

My dusty, useless degree contains a minor in Geology. I, unfortunately, know what is happening inside the earth to shake the outside hard enough to mimic a stomping child and I don't like it. 

Earthquakes have a way of reminding me how little control I have over the grand scheme of things and how little God consults with me before making any final decisions. I don't like it.

What I do like is the British sense of humour.
They're playing Martika's version of "I Feel the Earth Move" today.


Oh wait, I think there's something coming across the telly on the news ticker...



"Largest earthquake felt in Britain in 25 years said to have been caused by...

...some really horrendous karaoke somewhere near Norwich."

Uh oh. The Americans have done it again.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

September

Earth, Wind and Fire:

"Do you remember the 21st night of September?
Love was changing the mind of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing

In the key that our souls were singing.
As we danced in the night,
Remember - how the stars stole the night away, yeah yeah yeah.

Hey hey hey,

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in September
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day
"


That wasn't my September at all. Mine sucked thankyouverymuch.

Glass Half Empty... there were good points but they're currently cowering under two looming shadows being cast by that nasty villain: C A N C E R.

My best friend over here has, after a year, finally convinced the NHS to have a look at a "cyst" on her neck. It is a tumor. She will begin an aggressive attack on it beginning next week. This news came after my Step-dad was diagnosed with cancer of the Prostrate. I hate cancer.

Last night I went to bed with a distracted mind.
  •  Of course, I'm still keeping tabs on the oldest who has relocated himself closer to his recruiter while he waits for the 6-8 months it will take to see if he can enlist and enlist for the job he wants or for the ones he will settle on. He has a job interview on Monday for some income while he waits. His shoes are duct-taped. We transferred money to his account so that he can get new shoes and new trousers (he's dropped a lot of weight preparing for the AF) before his interview.
  • Son # 3 has lost his new hoody bought at Disney World which means I am on the hunt. For that and his PE shorts.
  • Thursday is a day of "Beat the Schedule" since Hubby is working nights and I have to be in two places at once. I will drive into town to get one son from Rugby practice, drop the other one off at football practice, take the two little ones with me to Young Women, only to leave immediately to pick up the football kid. I will then get them all home at 9.20 for baths and bed by TEN on a school night. So I herd them all around the house to get everything ready for the busy day.
  • October is a sacred month. I love Autumn. I love decorating, baking, carving pumpkins and making caramel apples.  Unfortunately, it never happens like that because we are always running. It's getting worse as the kids get older. I vowed that this October would be different, I am saying NO to anyone who tries to run off with my calendar.   Famous last words.  Last week, I began ticking off days... tick, tick, tick-- what the heck? Most of it's full and nothing I can really say NO to.
Going to bed with a distracted mind means waking up in a fog... it means I am less than thrilled when the phone is ringing before 8. It means I glare at my husband as he comes down the stairs carrying a phone while telling the person on the other end that he's looking for me (I'm packing PE kits).

When I realize it's Son #1, anxiety sets in. He needs to talk to us. I just talked to him before I went to bed. No, he needs to talk to US. At the same time.

"Is the girlfriend pregnant?" I wonder to myself. My heart slips into my thighs trying to fight it's way to my feet.

"I'm in."

"You're in? You're in what?"

"I'm in. The Air Force. I enlist on Wednesday, they're fast-tracking me because my job is available."

Hallelujah. Thank you Lord.

September may have just redeemed herself.   

Hey hey hey,
Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in September
Ba de ya - forget about the cloudy days...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

*~The Winner of the Giveaway is...~*

Me, because I love having a giveaway...
Especially when a store I'm enjoying so much like CSN Stores is providing the prize, and they'll be awarding that prize to:

Lisa Loo (who?)


Any (perfectly natural) resentment one might have for not having one's own name drawn
will quickly dissipate knowing that Lisa has just bought her very first home after living in a garage-turning-family home... for the last 15 (?) years. She's currently having a giveaway to help her re-name her blog since she will no longer be able to say: Is That a Garage Door on My Ceiling?.  So, pop on over and enter her contest (before Friday!) while you slap her a happy high-five.


I'm THRILLED for you Lisa, Congratulations!!!!  Thanks everyone for participating, we'll return to our regularly scheduled nothing-ness soon.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Rewards

Remember CSN Stores, that awesome place that I've mentioned that sells everything from wardrobes to kitchenware and everything in between? I'm sure I've also noted how easy the folks at CSN are to work with, but now you don't just have to take my word for it, you can find out for yourself.

Have a spin around one of their many online shopping areas in the U.K. (see below) or in the U.S. and tell me what you would love to have. Doing so will enter you into the generous giveaway CSN Stores are offering to my readers*.  


That simple.

No jumping through hoops, no standing on your head or waxing your arms in front of hundreds of people (Abe).  
Comment here on THIS post for one entry before 3 am Eastern Time, Wednesday, September 22, 2010.
My latest CSN Stores purchase: LeCreuset grill pan





http://www.csnstores.co.uk
http://www.allmodern.co.uk/
http://www.cookwarebycsn.co.uk/
http://www.furniturebycsn.co.uk/
http://www.lightingbycsn.co.uk/
http://www.tvstands.co.uk/



Good Luck!!!

*U.S. folks only are eligible at this time, but please make yourself heard if you're commenting from elsewhere and maybe there will be a future opportunity for you as well!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Small Bites

Confession: I read teen novels as well as watch teen tv. There. Said. I don't have to hide anymore.

The U.S. is currently enjoying shows that I won't see until 2012. Exaggeration, it's more like January but it FEELS like 2012.
So,
I went on to itunes.
I think I might have hysterically defended my paying to see Vampire Diaries before I turn 50 by clarifying that I wasn't paying to watch The Good Wife, Glee, Desperate Housewives or Grey's Anatomy even though Derek is shot and may be bleeding to death and that's a lot of blood to lose from now until January,  but I spoke to the wind. Hubby doesn't care if I keep him in his job for the next 40 years while all of his coworkers retire.

The girl-child is becoming my best friend. She walked into my computer room as I was watching a clip that included the painful removal of some fingers and beautiful faces melting into the equivalent of my morning face.
Quickly, I covered her eyes and said, "You shouldn't be in here, this is scary stuff".

"I like scary stuff."

"Sweetie, this has vampires and it will scare you, go back out to Daddy".

(Dad) "Miss Ky, come on out here..."

"No, I'm watching wampires. I like wampires and Mommy likes wampires".

How do you argue with that?

I wonder if she's team Edward?

What are you watching this Fall?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

When You Have Hatred Towards a Book...

I hated...






 ...that this book ended.


Yes, I know this is considered a "Young Adult" novel, the husband never misses an opportunity to point out to me that I gravitate towards teen reads. 

I never declared myself a literary intellect and as long as I am every one's everything, this is what I have time for-- and even that falls somewhere between midnight and 2 am.  This Mom still wants to lose herself in a story!
So with that stated, I loved this.

Of course I ate up Clare's City of Bones, City of Ashes and City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments series) just as quickly and hated how those were gone so quickly too. 
The Hubby has counseled me to read slower to make it last... uh, yeah, I'll do that.



And because you asked... well not all of you,

Disney World was, well... it wasn't crowded and it wasn't too hot.
It had the potential to be the perfect holiday...for someone else who traveled with only their own immediate family.

Somebody sucked the magic out of it this year.

To Jon from Marion, Illinois: You really should consider another career. I still can't get over the fact that you ripped into an unsuspecting crowd of people attempting to park their strollers against (GASP!) a wall. They didn't know you had probably told a thousand people that day not to park there and there were no signs. Yes, I am the silver-haired woman who approached you ten minutes after I witnessed the event because I just couldn't believe a Disney employee would act that way. I appreciate you rolling your eyes at me in dismissal too. Classy touch.

We survived the first week of school despite serious jet lag.  

Dear Norfolk County Schools, Am I the only parent that thought it was a little soon to schedule school photos on day 3, 8 and 10 of a new school year? Am I the only parent that had kids that would be photographing on each of those days?


Fellow Bloggers Friends,
Forgive me for not responding, not reading, not reciprocating your kind visits-- ok, just being a total crap friend (and for using the word "crap" since I know it bothers some). I am really struggling to stay in contact with everyone--even my family. As I type this (and obviously don't take the time to edit or proofread), I have a small female behind my chair growling in an attempt to scare me. The same child who stopped me mid-email reply earlier this week to tell me that her "room smells like cow poo". The same lovely girl who has told me all week that I "smell like a horse".

There is no danger of me becoming proud or conceited, I'll just be just a cowpoo friend with a growing repertoire of teen books.


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