Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Closed Doors Build Good Families
My mother never closed the bathroom door when we were growing up.
Not for showers,
not for the deed.
We watched her apply lipstick, take spiky curlers from her hair (or spray the beehive), apply a sweet cloud of Chanel No 5 and told her our dreams while she relieved her bladder.
I didn't know this wasn't normal.
You can't really fault her. This was the woman who went into labor with her first child in a Kentucky outhouse and the door got stuck. Maybe she was traumatized by toilets and forever had to leave a door open.
Somehow, this little apple fell far away from that backwoods tree (and maybe even rolled down the hill a bit), because not only do I close the door to the bathroom, but every door leading to the bathroom. Unfortunately for me, all of these critters I'm rearing know how to open doors. (My attitude is, if you walk through a closed door in this house, the burned retinas are your problem not mine).
When one has children, there's some things one will tell them about their ancestry:
"Grandpa Gene once bowled a nearly perfect game, served in the Korean War and Budweiser was his religion".
"Did I ever tell you that your Great Grandfather died from serious burns when a pack of matches he was carrying in his pocket caught fire?"
"You're fortunate to be 'stuck' sitting around a dining table for supper. When I was a child, we rarely ate together".
You don't always think to tell them about the quirky traits:
"Aunt B always spits in her soda before putting it in the fridge so no one will drink out of it".
"Uncle Rob will forget his wallet every time he invites you out to dinner".
It may be fortunate that our memories are somewhat selective...
then again, maybe not.
I didn't think to tell my adult-aged son about my mother's open door policy.
He discovered it first hand the summer he stayed with her after leaving us here in England.
I don't know if his eyes will ever be the same.
Tell me, what quirky family traits have you closed the door on?
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LOL...when I was a young girl...my grandmother had heaving bosom's and wore/still does.. the complete..total...coned support bras. Talk about knocking me over..I always feared a hug..Love her...Since those small conforming years I do not hug people the same way or try really hard to not buy ULTRA PoinTed bras-yes they still make them!! Really traumatic on my mind..unreal!!
ReplyDeleteHaha...I pee with the bathroom door open if it's just my husband and I. I can't really think of quirky trait that my family has--we are all COMPLETELY normal! haha right!
ReplyDeleteMy kids have that problem with opening closed doors and leaving the doors to the bathroom open drives me insane. Just once I wish I could shower or even pee in peace ... lol.
ReplyDeleteWe are closed bathroom door people. But I have been known to lick the pour spout of my iced tea pitcher in full view of the family. They have never seemed to develop a taste for iced tea;)
ReplyDeleteToo funny. Your poor son.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking, I'm thinking. My father is a tease and a closet poet, so he would always make up ridiculous songs or poetry to embarrass us with.
You've been tagged go check out my blog.
ReplyDeletemy kids need the assurance that mommy-is-still-alive, so they INSIST that I leave my bathroom door open be it for pee or poo,
ReplyDeletewhen its poo, they will assure me with words like these, "Mommy, poo poo is very smelly, so I won't stay and watch you, but I'll come and see you every minute!"
If any of my uncles, aunties or my in-laws know about this, my head will roll, for sure!
*laugh*
We close the bathroom door but never lock it...just hum rather loudly if we hear footsteps.And as an ex-nurse I have no qualms enquiring as to the state of the family bowels.
ReplyDeleteWe all sleep with our bedroom doors open.
Never, ever eat on our laps.
Say 'Hav'nt had a drink since Matehuala'when we are thirsty.[long story]
All talk at once, the loudest voice wins. [ouch!]
Always light candles in church even though only one of us is Catholic.
A bath is always called a Bulabula [don't ask]
All quite normal really.
We have one bathroom with a door that doesn't lock. You do the math. All I can say is that pretty much nothing is sacred or safe around here. What is really funny is when we have a guest here for the first time---their eyeballs are usually singed when they leave here. My fav thing to do is to lie in wait till after they have been in the bathroom a few minutes and then I bang as hard as I can on the door and yell--Fire!! Fire!! Never, ever gets old.
ReplyDeleteMy dear girl,
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read a post that pulls the curtain back on your childhood I feel the need to run to the mirror and reassure myself that I am here and not there. I wonder whether I am in one of those quirky films where the heroine lives a daily life, goes to sleep and lives a completely different life. Am I Debbie in CA during the day who falls asleep and wakes to become J Grockle in England by night??? Weird??? And yet, comforting to know I am not the only one who has such, how do I put this delicately . . . “unique extended family traits.” Well, okay, my mom had her first (me) in a hospital and my dad chooses to worship at the altar of Olympia beer, but so much of the rest hits a near bullseye.
As for me . . . you’d never guess I came from that kinda family tree. Clearly I swung on a branch that broke off, rolled away, picked up speed, careened around corners, bounced across canyons, and came to rest in a peaceful, genteel spot without any hint of hereditary. Pick a topic, pick a habit, pick a hobby, just about anything and you’ll find me a polar opposite from the genetic banner. I fancied myself a Jay Gatsby when I was growing up . . . and I never, ever float on air mattresses to this day. ; )
You are a precious gem. Some day you and me and my sister have got to get together and laugh ourselves silly – surely you are our long-lost sister. Endorphins for all as we hoop it up in celebrating survival of the weirdness of childhood.
Oh I am a door closer! I just need the peace and quiet!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! That is too funny. You certainly have a way of telling stories. And what a lovely song to accompany! :)
ReplyDeleteI can't think of any real quirks off the top of my head, though I know we have plenty.
The only thing I can think of is that all my friends thought I was born in the wrong decade, that instead I should have been born in the 1950's. My family and I always sat around watching musicals and singing them together. We sang every where we went. My friends always thought it was odd.
Thank you for stopping by my blog a couple of weeks ago. I have been meaning to get over to your place, I was so impressed by your moniker I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE. That moniker is a tough act to follow, but I am not disappointed in the least. This was a delightful post celebrating the quirkiness of families. (As well as closing the door on all that.)
ReplyDeleteTo closed doors!
i'm thinking about it....i'll be back!
ReplyDeleteOMG! That poor kid. Scarred for life. But he'd old enough to pay for his own therapy, right?
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by and leaving your comment. I hope you'll come visit again! I sure enjoyed coming here and reading. I've had both my kids and now my grandkids come keep me company while 'relieving' myself. But I have little Miss Chloe dog, a Lhasa Apso who thinks she's human, and every time I go to the bathroom she has to come in to make sure I'm ok, then turns and goes back out to her perch on our couch. She's very intuitive and has such a strong bond with me...she even knew when I'd suffered a major uterine hemorrhage. We 'inherited' her a year ago from our son and his wife, but she was living with them at the time and began acting freaky at the exact same time I was on my way to the hospital. Even tho she wasn't officially mine at the time, I'd kept her a lot from her puppy-hood onward thru the work week, housebreaking her, etc. We became best buddies. She even sleeps curled up next to me under the sheets in our bed...I NEVER thought I'd have a house dog, let alone a 'bed' dog, but she's as much a part of the family as we all are.
ReplyDeleteHa, Budweiser was PB's great Grandpa's religion. That and a brandy old fashion in a TUB, with olives.
ReplyDeleteI can just about imagine your son's face.
OMG! You make me laugh so hard! We were all a closed door family when it came to the potty, but my husband's borderline mother always left the door open - still does. My kids close the door (finally!) when they go. But I leave a door open to my bedroom, or the dog will push open the bathroom door. Nice and wide. Stupid dog. He has to be near me at all times.
ReplyDeleteYour poor, poor adult son. What's he doing using an outhouse anyway? ;)
Your writing talents continue to entertain! Hope you get the new digs.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh!!! I'm in my thirties and that would send me straight to therapy...I love my grandparents but I like them to be clothed.
ReplyDeleteAnd yea, we have MANY of those stories in our families between Jon and me. But this is a FAMILY blog. :)
You have something waiting for you at my place. When you see it just smile and go with it!
ReplyDeleteoh jeri,
ReplyDeleteyour post made me giggle. thank you for that. your quotes were so funny.
and my eyes will never forget the time i accidentally walked in on my dad in the little boy's room. eek.
night night, kathleen
I have to laugh so hard about your son finding out about your mom's open door policy the hard way! I'm not sure I can top that! Or your aunt spitting in her soda so no one else will drink it. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI have warned my children that Grandma dresses right there in the living room because I was scarred enough. I don't need to do that to my kids.
ReplyDeleteI am a door closer and locker. My parents and sisters, however, are not. They are also ok with walking through the house in just their bras and panties. Imagine my boyfriend's (now hubby) shock and awe when he walked up to my front door and saw my mom in her bra veerrry early in our relationship. Poor kid.
ReplyDeleteidontclosethebathroomdooreither
ReplyDeletebutdonttellmykidsthatitoldyou
becausetheywouldbesoembarrassed
Our family meeting place is the bathroom, that way if anyone needs to "go" no one gets out of anything. Just keeping the bases covered...
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of incurring a PG-13 rating here, I'll tell you this:
ReplyDeleteOn my honeymoon, when all the blood was apparently not flowing to my brain, I hit on my new wife. In the bathroom. While she sat there (doing God's work, as Bill Cosby would say). I actually asked, in my coolest voice, "What are you doin'?"
To which the only answer was "What do you think I'm doing?"
That's the most embarrassing moment of my life.
Ha! I like my privacy but am resigned to them bursting in on me if I wee. For other stuff I lock the door. Which caused my small son to say sadly the other day "I've never seen a girl do a poo".
ReplyDeleteHee hee. I once walked in on my grandmother doing the deed. I'll never forget it. :)
ReplyDeleteHow in the world did I get 17 posts behind on you? I caught up once; I know I did.
ReplyDeleteThe only quirky family trait I can think of at the moment is something my dad used to do to my mom that really isn't mentionable here. It used to drive me nuts. It wasn't TOTALLY inappropriate or anything, but I didn't think that much PDA was good in front of me. Oh, and he always wore his underwear though the house. STILL DOES and pretends he doesn't know I'm still up. My husband is NOT ALLOWED to do this because of how much I hated it! I don't care if the girls see his underwear or something a little more (they're 4 and 6) in our room or bathroom if they barge in, but NOT all over the house!
The bathroom door thing is funny! My kids don't care what's going on. If if the door's cracked, it's game for them!