Out To Lunch, uh huh, yes I am!

In honor of reaching my 300th post (yea me!) and because I am away on holiday (floating in Willy Wonka's chocolate rivers, thank you very much), I am revisiting posts from my first few months of blogging. Please do leave a comment to let me know you came by and I'll respond when we get back (unless an Oompa Loompa gets me!)

Mrs. Air Force
January 29th 2008

SO not my title.

My husband entered the service as an enlisted grunt. He enlisted as someone who had earned a AA & an AS (in a CCF degree-- see below), graduating with a 4.0 (enabling him to wear all sorts of cool ribbons during graduation). THIS would make it easier for him to "cross over" to the officers side when he was ready. It also helped him towards earning his Air Force brownie points, so basically he was on the " Fast Track" for promoting (and supposedly gearing up to apply for Officer's Training School-- or OTS see below).
I started calculating our future pay.

One year passed.

"Um, dear, when do you start doing the stuff for the Officer thing?"

Years 2 through 5 went buzzing by before I realized this guy had no intention of crossing over. There were all sorts of reasons. One time he told me that if he became an officer, there would be things expected of me as an officer's wife.
"Huh, Wha....?" "EXPECTED of me? Have you ever seen my reaction when told I have to do something?"

My mom says I have always been this way, kind of rebellious, strong-willed with a "sure sense of self". I had always thought that was a compliment, but as I get older, I'm thinking maybe not so much so.

Anyway, the way I saw it, I didn't sign anything and the TI in basic training kept reminding the new airmen that "The Air Force didn't issue you a wife!" so what did he mean, "expected" of me?!

There's a certain amount of dedication that is required to be the happy, bubbly woman left commandeering an entire squadrons' better halves, while smilingly supporting her guy in all that he does.
She's got to look you in the eye and appear thrilled that you are having another Pampered Chef/Tupperware/Happy Homemaker party that you want her to attend. She will be the one calling you when your husband is deployed and handing you tissues while bouncing your snotty-nosed kid on her lap at the deployed spouse's monthly dinners-- that she helped organize. and baked for. and attends. every month.
She will be required to participate happily in gathering funds for the parties, gifts, etc... regardless whether or not her kids schedules are killing her or she's just too blue to do it.
She will look impeccably coifed at all times. Even at the gym.
She will never be found standing in the post office queue with two children hanging from her leg while the baby in her arms is stretching her blouse out just so to show everyone how she should've bought that new bra... a year ago.

No thank you. Keep your pay.

Of course, there's not a handbook that says any of this.
Not that I'd be able to read it if there was.
The Air Force speaks a different language that I haven't quite mastered--I'm still trying not to sound daft speaking Britain-ese.
They speak in acronyms. Really.

A conversation could go something like this:

"TSgt , have you prepared for your TDY to the NCOA?"
"Prepared, Sir?"
"Have you made sure your wife has a POA so that she can take care of your POV for your PCS?"
"Uh..."
"C'Mon TSgt., she'll need it for TMO and FMO if you're going to make your NLD for this PCS".
"Sir?"
"And she may need it in case anything goes wrong with your FSA, BAS or OHA-- too bad you won't be getting any SDP on this one."
"Go by legal and get this taken care of ASAP. You know this PCS is going to be great for you, the COLA where you're OCONUS is high ...oh, and for this TDY, don't forget to pack your PDG"

To make things worse, my husband works in an area where they use initials.

Our first duty station was an eye opener for me. Someone rang the house asking for "Airman Diaz". I told him there was no Airman Diaz there. Do you know how bad it is for an airman when his commander can't reach him because he's given them the wrong number? I felt so awful for the guy.
I don't know when it finally occurred to me that they were calling my husband. DS.

So, Mrs Air Force I am not.

I whine when I'm sad and I whine when I'm not. I begrudge him his extra time doing his "brownie point" duties and get a little resentful as he stacks his accolades. I would've sucked as an officers' wife, but maybe I'm ok as an enlisted guys wife. The reason he didn't want to cross over?
He loves his job and wanted to do it as long as possible-- he would've been behind a desk as an officer. I told him the pay didn't matter as long as he was happy in his job.

Although, that extra OHA and BAS would help me hire a M A I D......