In honor of reaching my 300th post (yea me!) and because I am away on holiday (floating in Willy Wonka's chocolate rivers, thank you very much), I am revisiting posts from my first few months of blogging. Please do leave a comment to let me know you came by and I'll respond when we get back (unless an Oompa Loompa gets me!)
I'm A Stranger Here Myself
Jan. 20th 2008
It has got to be said, and today is as good as day as any.
There is a woman here who hates me, and she hates me (not "because I'm beautiful"--does that commercial still run?) solely because of my place of birth.
About a month after moving here to Norfolk, this woman came to my house, sat on my sofa and trashed my President (currently my husband's head honcho if you think about it), the school system from which my children came, my language etc. She did it all with a smile, so to be quite honest, it was two hours AFTER she left when I realized that I was agitated and couldn't put my finger on why. Then I realized I had been insulted. A lot.
Ok, so I am not the sharpest tool in the shed these days, and maybe that's good. I have this ability to accept just about every person from every walk of life and if you're nice to me, I will be your most loyal friend. If for some reason, I don't like you, I won't pretend I do and call you over for tea. You have to work really hard to offend me (mostly because I can be a little distracted and may miss subtle hints completely) and I kind of expect that in other people.
But never mind that. The damage she caused was that I believed what she said. She really was one of my very first visitors and had plainly told me that general British sentiment towards Americans is that we're greatly disliked.
So, I stood in the queues at play group and didn't speak to people for months (I didn't want to appear the pushy American). I walked on eggshells trying to make sure I never said something that would cause offense, and I did my best to just blend in.
So, with that stated.
After several months I figured out that this woman was really the exception. Most people are very warm towards us and on things we probably wouldn't agree about, they use that wonderful British humour.
My children attract kids who want to know more about the US and who like their accents. One friend loves to sit in my living room and listen to the Hubby and I talk because she loves the phrases we use.
In the meantime, I have heard about others' run-ins with the visiting meanie and pretty much decided her dislike for me is definitely not my problem. I have attended "crops" at her home (invited) and smiled through all of the little jabs-- I get a page or two done in my scrap books without Miss Ky pulling the table over, I don't care what the hostess feels about me.
The most recent said event was yesterday. Imagine my consternation when everyone I asked told me they weren't going. My heart sank when I pulled up and saw that I would be the only one there and it was an 8-hour crop!
Sometime around October-ish (during the wanderings of my husband) I went to something she hosted and came out determined never to attend another thing. I was beaten, I was tired and a little pissy to be perfectly honest. It was hard doing everything with my husband deployed and setting myself up for the constant verbal attacks was plain stupid. But, here I was. alone.
THAT my friends, is a die-hard scrap booker...
Yes, mingled in with the "I'm really pleased you came"s were, "We don't really get involved with football (soccer)" (after her 12-year old commented about my husband and boys all attending a match while I cropped, "Well, maybe your daughter won't like football so that you can have one intelligent person in your home" -- did I mention the kid was playing video games almost the entire time I was there?).
But what I really wanted to share was today.
We really had a nice church service. We had lots of visitors and had a terrific feeling with us, ready to face the week with cheerfulness and optimism. As my husband was making his way towards the door after several attempts to herd our bunch the same direction, I started walking behind him with my head down. I wasn't doing the submissive wife thing (wow, SO not me), I think I was watching my feet or looking at my bag, I don't know. But he stopped short, right after pushing the door open, and I almost slammed right into him.
That's when I looked up and realized it wasn't my husband (thank goodness I didn't pinch his rear). It was the husband of the visiting meanie--who also hates Americans.
I laughed and said, "Oh! I thought you were my husband!" To which he replied, "NOT a CHANCE!" and walked away.
Two points here.
These people consider themselves very educated.
They also consider themselves Christians.
ok, maybe there's actually three points.
Why did I let it agitate me the entire day? Any comments?
What a jerk that woman is! Just "kill her" with kindness. Invite her over for some good old American Apple Pie or something. Or ignore her all together.
ReplyDeleteI liked this post! Congratulations on reaching 300! In addition to being a die hard scrapbooker, you're a die hard blogger.
Enjoy the river of chocolate, sounds delicious.
First off... Congrats on your 300th post! I think I first found you through "Best Posts Of The Week" and I've been hooked ever since!
ReplyDeleteWhat a mean lady (and husband)! Mean people suck. Die hard scrapbooker or not, find another place to do your scrapbooking. Where she's not invited!
Enjoy your holiday at Willy Wonka's. Just don't drink the fizzy soda. There's a big fan at the ceiling that will chop you to bits if you're not careful.
Congratulations on the 300th post! I should go back into your archives..you're a good writer!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I honestly think that since there's no way you'll change this biddy or her hideous hubby, I would just steer clear! I've bumped into a few of this type, thankfully not often but often enough to know they will not change and will always attack..DO NOT subject yourself to this! Even if you try so hard not to let it effect you, it will because you are a normal, good, sensitive person and you can't help but have it agitating you in the back of your mind. Btw, I notice this is from January. How is it now?
And, one more thing...if that hubby would ever make a comment like that again, have a quip ready in the back of your mind just to kind of put him back in his place. I too am a pretty laid-back sort that pretty much has to get a few of these loaded comments before it would dawn on me what happened just cause it would't occur to me someone would be so mean..but, I truly believe that when you run into someone in life that is mean, sometimes you have to communicate in their "language" or they won't understand you. I think a simple teeny moment of silence and small look of disbelief, but NOT of hurt or utter shock, just teeny disbelief, followed by a quiet, "Wow. What a hateful man!" Then a lift of your chin and a "much more mature than you and most certainly more inner peace" look away from him (or her, if she makes a hateful comment) and walk away. No further comments. Maybe I'm a bit too direct but I have been known to do something down that line...only a time or two in my life, but it was certainly merited!
ReplyDeleteYou must be kidding. Frightening folks everywhere.
ReplyDeleteyouch! do i really want to come and visit in the UK? hmmm....i'll avoid that dear, seet lady (and her husband) like the plauge! i'm glad that all brit's aren't like that...i'm bolstered by that thought.
ReplyDeleteYou were agitated by all of this unprovoked nastiness because you are a kind and thoughtful person, Jeri. You would not intentionally be mean and hurtful in that way, so it shocks you when others are. It is just not part of your nature. Unfortunately, there are those in the world who are that way whether they intend to be or not. Your best bet is, like others have said here, avoid being around these people if at all possible. No reason to let them spoil another single minute of your life, let alone a whole day.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few people like that I have known too. I actually feel sort of sorry for them. It seems to me that they must be very unhappy people themselves to spread so much misery everywhere that they go.
Those people are everywhere. I've never been able to figure out what makes them tick. Who thrives on belittling other people? Bullies, I guess. The sad thing is, that they will likely bring their children up the same way.
ReplyDeleteBut, you did the right thing by not talking about their horrible british teeth, or that atrocious food that they eat, or their ridiculous "royal family," or their crappy weather, or the fact that their "pudding" isn't pudding at all...
Aren't sweeping generalizations great?
You should have pinched that guy. Hard.
Hey, congratulations on 300!
Oh my gosh! Could you imagine living a house with two meanies like that? Sheesh! Some people just want to be miserable and want to take everyone down with them. Sounds like they make a perfect couple though, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI love that saying...misery LOVES company (their marriage must need it tehe). You are so good to turn the other cheek..not many people could not help but be offended..regardless of how irrational it may seem...
ReplyDeleteReminds me of people I met in Australia..they are VERY candid..but finger-nails down a chalk board would be the worst..ugh makes a chill down my spine... So when she starts up again..think of the scratchy..high pitched sound and it may stifle her berating comments from letting the day spoil!! Hope you have a great day..Hugs...
Congrats on your 300th post! And what a jerk of a family! I love hypocritical people like that! (NOT!)
ReplyDeleteI'd rather stay home, put on my favorite music, and scrap alone.
ReplyDeleteMy company is much better than toxic company.
Chocolate rivers?? mmmm, I'm there!!
some peopole clearly have nothing better to do than annoy other people. but YOU... you have a BLOG. bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
ReplyDeleteI have never understood people like that. What a sad, sad life they must lead. This may sound so cliche, but holy cow I feel bad for them!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, how awful would it be to be that ornery all the time. Sounds exhausting.
And secondly, they miss out on some amazing people (your family, obviously) being that judgemental and mean.
How very sad for them!
All of that said, I SO understand you being bugged by it. It would have eaten at me for days!
Congrats on post 300!!
I would have stewed about that all day myself. I'd have been thinking of all the little nasty comebacks I should have come up with on the spot.
ReplyDeleteShe must be quite insecure. That's the only reason I can think of for someone to belittle others, it makes them feel better about themselves.
Very sad to hear this of fellow members though. I know we're only human, but it doesn't sound like they're even making much effort to be Christlike.
How is your relationship with her at this point--after nine months?
Hope your enjoying your holiday.
Could you bring me back an everlasting gobstopper?
Happy 300! (My dear you don't look a day over 100!!)
ReplyDeleteRead your retro-post ... know the type ... smile anyway! : )
Don't let it get to you. Simple as that. And congratulations on your 300th!
ReplyDeleteI have always struggled with the question of why we, as "enlightened" adults cannot paly nicely with each other. That must have really hurt. I would have run it over and over again in my head till it made me sick--so I am no help. Hope you are having a great time!
ReplyDeleteThe famous British politeness obviously by-passed THAT family.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you don't touch anything Mister Wonka says not to. Bad things can happen
ARGH! You soft spirited woman, you. They're jerks. It's almost laughable but as she was your first visitor, I can see why it hit so hard.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your trip. Beware of anything out of the ordinary. Ya, right. And take lots of pictures.
Congratualtions! 300? man...
People like that make me bonkers. I probably would've written her off and never spoke to her again after the first time. I think we always wonder why we dwell on haters and I think it is because we just want to be liked. Not that it makes it any easier to let go.
ReplyDeleteOh boy! That's one crazy lady! Ugh!
ReplyDeleteover from authorblog . . .
ReplyDeleteThat is pretty aggrivating lady! Unsolicited negative feedback is always so irritating!
Happy 300th post! and POTD
Congratulations on your 300th post and your post of the day nomination.
ReplyDeleteLife is too short to bother about these sort of people.
I don't know why you let it agititate you, but I would have. That comes from my past and someone (not my parents) who made me feel like the world's problems were mine. So if any little thing like that happens to me, I analyze it to death to figure out what I did to make it happen. When I was 30 I figured this out, and I'm better now about not accepting responsibility for EVERYTHING, but it still takes some work. Maybe you've got someone like that in your past, or SOMETHING to make you feel like you have to do something.
ReplyDeleteI visited Norway once and was subjected to a dinner with someone who treated me the same way. Thank goodness I wasn't living there. The people with me tried to make me feel worse by saying, "Oh, he's just trying to make conversation and be nice." Bull____. That isn't polite conversation.
I wish I had more advice (and this is an old post anyway), but it happens, and we have to not let it get to us as much as we can. Think rationally and just move on. Hard. Very hard. But our only choice.